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How to learn from lockdown

Have you spread you wings and ventured outside a little further recently? If so, I hope it has been enjoyable. I have been out and about, slowly bringing back some of my favourites activities after this last lifting of COVID rules.

I have to confess that I am enjoying it very much! I now know just how important some things really are… like seeing friends in-person. A luxury once taken for granted.

 I have learnt a lot about what is important to me in lockdown, have you?

Whether you loved it (introverts and home bodies) or hated it (extroverts and social people), it created a moment in time, like one giant pause on life.

Sure, lots fell into that gap…new hobbies, cooking complex dishes, Netflix…But there was a lot of opportunity for us all to ask ourselves some quality questions, along the lines of…does <insert thing> really matter?

Perspective, that’s what a pandemic can give us.

And while we’re still emerging from the cocoon, now’s the optimal time to write a few things down!

Yes, I know you have learnt a lot.
I know you know yourself better.


But what exactly have you learnt?
Can you articulate it?
Can you record it, so you can reference it later?


Today I share with you the best questions to ask yourself in order to maximise your learning from lockdown. 
Think about it, this may be the only time in your lifetime that you ever are forced to stop and reflect. Let’s harness that wisdom now, before we’re off again and too busy to think about it!

Start here:
What did I really miss the most in lockdown? How can I create more of this in my life moving forward?
What did I stop doing in lockdown? Do I want to pick it up again or not?
What did I start doing in lockdown? Do I want to continue with it?
Who was my“soft place to fall”(supporter) for the duration of the lockdown? How will I thank them?


More, for those of you who are keen…
What did I learn about myself that surprised me?
How did I manage my mental health in lockdown? What practices will I continue with into the future?
What did I struggle with the most in lockdown?
What will I never do again after lockdown?
How did my habits change in lockdown? What do I think about this?
How did my values become more clear or change during lockdown?
How would I like to move forward, using this time as a pivot point in my life?

As a Certified Coach it is my role to ask quality questions that create awareness and possibility. And there is no better time than after a big challenge like lockdown, to ask yourself some of these powerful questions (and write your answers down).

I hope you find these questions helpful in harnessing some of the learning you’ve experienced over the last while.

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Creating easy solutions

One of the main things I work on with my clients is finding solutions. In fact, you could argue that the whole coaching process is about finding and creating solutions that enable my clients to move forward or create positive change.

So essentially I spend a lot of time helping people find and/or create solutions. Whether it’s for a business, your work role, home life, for a habit, your mindset… the process is the same. And contrary to our (limiting) beliefs, it does not need to be difficult!

Finding or creating easy solutions requires just two things of you:

  1. Asking yourself quality questions, and
  2. Being willing to try a solution

That’s it.

Yet many of us get stuck and stagnate. Firstly, we assume that the answer is out there somewhere (mistake no. 1) and then we assume that the solution has to be the“forever solution” (mistake no. 2).

Let’s look at mistake no. 1, the answer is out there. The answer to you getting unstuck is actually within you! Yes, sounds cliched but it’s true. A good coach will know how to draw this out of you so-to-speak, so that you become aware of your strengths and the things that have worked for you in the past. This will be done through posing quality questions.

What’s a quality question you can use? Try… 
Was there a time when I did not have this issue, or a time when it was less troubling?
(What was I doing then?)
What would an ideal situation look like?
(How can I create that in small steps?)

Often we assume that a problem is all-consuming, but if you look hard enough, you will find “gaps” in your experience where the problem does not exist at all. 

Let’s look at mistake no. 2, the “forever” solution.
We’ve all been guilty of this, I’m sure. When we look for a solution, we search for the perfect solution that will apply in all contexts and be a long-term solution. While this approach can be useful in establishing what the long-term goal is, often we really need a “will make it work now” type of solution, rather than the forever type of solution.

How many solutions can you come up with? Make a list. Which one will you try first? Schedule a review after a period of time if the solution needs upgrading or not. A solution that makes something work now will create momentum (where there has been inertia) and can be a stepping stone to a more sophisticated long-term “forever” solution down the track.

So, remember:
Ask yourself quality questions.
Look for a short-term solution first and take action.

If you need help with this solution-finding process, reach out! I offer a complimentary Coaching Introduction Session, sign up here.

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Unhelpful questions

3 things that are influencing your thinking right now.

You have probably heard me – more than once – explain how important quality questions are. They truly have an incredible power to change our perspective, to help us find a way out or through. They help us to learn about ourselves. What is working, what’s not. What would I like to change. etc.

Quality questions are helpful. But there are other questions too that are rattling around in our minds.
Many of us are also asking unhelpful questions.

These types of questions serve no real good purpose. They often keep us in a worry pattern. They can erode our confidence and make us feel stuck.

So how do you recognise an unhelpful question that you’re asking yourself?
Firstly, an unhelpful question might look like any of the following:
Why do I always do that?
Why do I have to do this?
When will this thing be over?
Why can’t I make it work?
Why me?

As you would have noticed, there are a LOT of WHYs going on there. WHY is not usually helpful unless it is accompanied by genuine curiosity. And even then, it’s not always important to know WHY in order to be able to change something. In the examples above, the WHY is almost a chastisement of self. You can almost hear the complaining tone of each question, right?

And that’s one of the keys to recognising a quality question over an unhelpful one.

An unhelpful question is often emotionally charged with frustration, anger, hopelessness. It’s less of a quality question and more of an emotional outlet or pattern.

Also an unhelpful question does not help us think outside of our current thinking patterns.
Is the question opening up a new perspective? Is it helping you think about things differently?
If not, then it’s not that helpful.

And here’s the kicker: Often an unhelpful question is not designed to be answered at all!

A helpful question on the other hand, is more recognisable by it beginning with a “what”, “when” or “how”.Instead of: Why do I always do that? Ask: What could I do differently next time?

A helpful question also feels different. It is accompanied by genuine curiosity to learn or discover something. It is a feeling of being more open to other ideas, if there are other ideas. It feels less emotionally charged than an unhelpful question.

So, be on the lookout for these unhelpful questions, particularly in current times when we’re spending more time isolated from others. Recognise them when you have them and call them out. Acknowledge that it’s not a helpful question that you’re having. If you need to, try changing the question to a more helpful one.

We all have unhelpful questions from time to time. I hope this has post has been helpful for you today.

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One year later – how are you managing the changes COVID made?

It’s been over a year since our world turned topsy-turvy with the COVID-19 global pandemic.
Can you remember what life was like before that?

I must admit that there are some blurry areas I cannot quite recall. Like, how often did I see my friends and did I go out of the house more? Likely. There are for sure things I can clearly recall as being an important part of my life, like travel. But the smaller things are not so obvious.

In many ways we’ve assumed our new habits, our new ways of working and living. Consequently how we did things before has become irrelevant in many cases. But that doesn’t mean the impact of change has gone as well.
Change on such a large and far-reaching scale as we saw last year, leaves its mark. Not just in the things that altered but in us as people.

Having experienced one of the biggest shifts in our society only just last year, we must be cautious in expecting that we are all “over it now” or “on the other side of it”. Yes we have adjusted. Yes we have adapted to our new routines. But if you are still “processing” it on some level, that’s normal.

Perhaps emotionally you still don’t feel like your old self.
Maybe your stress levels are staying elevated.
Perhaps you don’t want to accept the way some things are right now.

This is when I remind you that:
Whether change is something you choose for yourself or something that has been unceremoniously thrust upon you, you need to pro-actively manage it.

Most of us are still processing the changes that happened last year, although not everyone is aware of this.
Adjusting to change is always a challenge but it can be easier when you apply a few trusted techniques, such as these I share with you now.

Here’s 4 ways to help you better manage change:
Accept it’s a challenging time
Change is challenging for all of us. If you feel that you’re still adjusting in some ways, you need to acknowledge that there’s nothing wrong with you. Everyone is challenged by change. Don’t slip into expecting that you “should” be over it all by now. This is still very much an adjustment phase and you are navigating it. Everyone needs their own time to adjust.

Simplify
This is one of the best techniques to apply, with immediate results. You look at everything that you have on your to-do list, goals and responsibilities and you decide which things you can delay(push your deadline back), delegate or delete altogether. Trying to push forward on full throttle while still navigating the change process will only exacerbate your stress and overwhelm. Simplify things by reducing your responsibilities.

Allow more time
Most of us would prefer that we have a certain established amount of time and at the end of that time, the change process is complete. All nice and neat and predictable. Mostly we just want it to take as little as time as possible. I warn against giving into these thoughts as they completely oppose the process of change. You need to allow more time for this process than you would otherwise anticipate or expect for any challenge.
Creating or accepting change takes time. And there is no way to speed this process up. Be patient with yourself and refer to the first point: There is nothing wrong with you.

Have your own back. 
Moving through change will require more time and energy from you. It can be unsettling, frustrating and tiring. It might be a bit of a rollercoaster ride at times. Therefore it’s crucial that you have your own back. Work with yourself and not against yourself by becoming aware of any negative thoughts about your situation. Remind yourself that this is a process and will take time. Be mindful of your self care and ways to restore your energy levels.
Having your own back means supporting yourself as much as you would support a good friend in their time of need. Be patient. Give yourself the things you need to rejuvenate your energy and write our any negative thoughts that come up.

I hope you will implement one of these techniques over the next week.
Which one will you choose?

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To reduce stress, increase your mind space

Stress manifests for each of us in different ways. Whether you experience stress in a very physical way in your body or more of an overall attitude slump, the cause is always your mind. 

Our thoughts create our feelings. So if we’re feeling stressed, we’re having stressful thoughts.

Or perhaps we’re just having too many thoughts in general. What do you notice about your thinking patterns when you’re stressed?

Noticing your thoughts is the first step towards creating some mind space for yourself. If you can notice or observe your thoughts, you are not your thoughts. There opens up some gap where you can be the observer and be less attached to the thoughts.

That’s why mindfulness and meditation are so helpful in reducing stress. These practices help create more of what I like to call mind space.

Today I’d like to share with you 4 different practices that can help you to create more mind space and reduce your stress. You can easily integrate all of these practices into your routine, but if you are starting out, maybe just try implementing one practice for a few weeks to start with.

  1. Download your thoughts
    Write your thoughts out. Get them out of your mind! You can do this by journaling or simply by doing what I call a thought download. You can choose a specific project/goal to write about or focus on your current situation generally. You basically write all of the thoughts you have about that situation down. All of the thoughts, without editing.  This gets rid of all the thoughts rolling around in your mind clanging like marbles and creating noise.
  2. Meditate
    You can’t overestimate the value of meditation to your short and long term mental health. I say start today if you don’t already meditate! If you’re a beginner, it might be best to start with a guided meditation and then over time progress to just focusing on your breathing and not thinking. This requires practice. The whole point is to focus your awareness in the present moment and spend less time thinking. 
  3. Use the Focus Technique
    This is a very simple but effective exercise. Again, it has similar principles to meditation. You are to focus your attention and observe without thinking or feeling. Here are the steps:
    – Select a small personal object that you like a great deal. It might be an item of jewellery, an ornament or  a favourite tool for your hobby.
    – Focus all your attention on this object as you inhale and exhale deeply for 1-2 minutes.
    – While you’re doing this exercise, try not to let other thoughts or feelings enter your mind. If they do, just return your attention to the object. Observe it closely and breathe.

4. Find your out-of-mind activity
There are many activities that help us to become more present in our bodies and/or be “in flow” when we are not thinking at all. These activities are usually a physical or creative practice eg. running, yoga, dancing, cooking. Think of an activity that you can get so wrapped up in that you are no longer thinking or taking in information. You are just in the moment and there is no mind chatter going on. When you find your activity, you simply need to do it regularly! This will help you to remain present, as well as create and maintain mind space.