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Creating peace of mind on the road to success

Do you crave a sense of peace, a sense of calm? 

I know that for many years all I wanted was peace of mind. I just wanted to be able to experience enjoyment in what I was doing and be at peace with where I was. But I couldn’t reconcile that with my drive to reach my goals, the drive to become more. Surely, I thought to myself, if I rested too long in this space of peace, I would simply become complacent. Then I would not have peace of mind or achieve my goals at all! 

But, what I was doing wasn’t really working that well. I was super focused on my goals, a bit too attached shall we say. I always felt that I couldn’t get comfortable or relax too much. I was constantly pushing myself and yes, there were some results, but nothing extraordinary. And, I just didn’t feel like I was able to just do me.

Can you relate?

It was as if there were two opposing forces at work. At least, that’s what it felt like to me. I would power on with my disciplined actions and goals, but this other part of me just really wanted a rest. It just wanted time to be, to relax, to allow things as they are.

I think this is a challenge that many of us face, particularly those of us inclined to take our own work out into the world and create a business. We experience that need to do more, create more but become aware at some point(perhaps acutely) of the need to not drive so hard.

It’s taken me many years and much study from various thought leaders, to get to a place of real understanding of this common situation that many of us find ourselves in. And contrary to my first initial thoughts, it is not actually two opposing forces at work!We do not need to choose peace or achievement. 

We just need to choose how we travel towards our goals and truly accept that how we travel is the only fulfillment we will get.

Much of the pushing to achieve goals can come from the expected result delivering unto us a sense of achievement. We expect that we will feel satisfied and allow ourselves then to relax, to believe that we are truly enough and therefore are allowed to enjoy the moment.

But, guess what happens when you achieve your goals?

You get excited for a bit and then you jump onto the next thing. Does that seem like long term fulfillment or peace of mind to you? No, because it’s not. The small fleeting moment you experience does not bring the peace of mind that you crave. So, the achievement of our goals does not ultimately bring long term peace of mind.

How we travel as we move towards fulfilling our goals is the only space where peace of mind can be created. 

You can’t arrive at the peace of mind after years of pushing.You must create the peace of mind as you take one step at a time on your big journey.

How can you enjoy the step you are on right now?
How can you enjoy what you’re working on today?
What could make this process more enjoyable?

These are the questions to start with in order to shift your thinking towards peace of mind. It’s not about resting, avoiding your goals, deleting your goals or anything your mind conjures up as being the opposite to your path of success. It is the path of success. It is being present with the step you are walking right now, learning to fully embody it and enjoy it. 

After all, you either will get to the achievement of your goal or you won’t. Most of your time is taken up in the journey to get there and the result will not actually make you feel much better for very long. So even from a logical perspective, cultivating the enjoyment of the journey makes sense.

Why not start today?

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The Problem With Seeking Success

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As you are a consumer of personal development content, then you’re most likely also aware that much of the noise is all about how to become successful. In every article or blog you are offered tips, formulas and breakthrough techniques. And yes, in this post I too offer some ideas (guilty).

But, there are a few problems with this idea of the pursuit of success.

When we read articles about creating success, we’re thinking about success as a destination most of the time. As if someday, we will arrive there on our yacht, sipping champagne and smiling for the world to see. Sounds nice, but…

Success is not a destination. Because once we achieve a certain goal, we are quickly then on to the next thing. We are always growing, so the idea of reaching success at a singular point is illusory.

But more significant than this even, is the assumption most of us are making.

We are assuming that when we are “successful” then we will also be fulfilled. We assume that the hole within us of “not-enoughness” will be gone when we are successful.

Sorry, bad news: Success does not equal fulfillment.

Don’t get me wrong, you can be successful and fulfilled. But understand this distinction:
You cannot expect that your success will also bring fulfillment. They are two very different things.

You cannot pursue success as if it were the answer to your fulfillment.

You can pursue success at an endeavour for what the challenges will make of you. Being successful in that endeavour will be cause for celebration at achieving a goal. But fulfillment is up to you and is independent of your goal achievements and failures.

Have a think about it. Are you expecting success to make you feel better about yourself? Make you feel more confident? Will you feel worthy after you achieve that big goal?

Then, you are seeking fulfillment in a place you cannot find it. Success cannot fill that hole, you must learn to develop your own experience of fulfillment.

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What creates ease, purpose & peace?

Your personal values, whether you are aware of them or not, are playing a major role in your life. We all use our values when we evaluate how we feel life is going for ourselves. It is our values that are really running our lives. But for most of us, this is happening at an unconscious level. We are all using our values to make decisions, big and small but often remain unaware of what we are really doing. If these values are really are running our lives, it makes sense to get to know them a little better. And if you need more convincing as to their importance, check this scientifically proven fact: living according to your values is the path to optimum fulfillment and results.

So what are personal values and how can you discover yours?

Personal values are the things that are most important to you. Your values are very much the core of your personality and play a large part in influencing your actions and behaviours. Becoming aware of your personal values will help you better understand what will create the most fulfilling life for you. For example, if one of your personal values is family and you create a business that requires you to be away from your family for extended periods of time, you will not feel fulfilled, even if the business is a great success. So knowing your values, can help you direct your life to bring you the results and sense of fulfillment that you truly want.

To discover your personal values, there are many great tools that you can use and the good news is that you can simply start by answering the questions below:

Reflect upon the last year or so of your life and answer the following:
1. When did you feel the happiest?
Consider what you were doing, who you were with.

2. When were you most proud of yourself?
Consider WHY you felt that way and if anyone else also shared in your pride.

3. What was a peak experience you had? ie. an experience that made you feel fulfilled and satisfied
Consider how this event gave your life meaning.

4. What do your choices show you about your values?
Consider the people you choose to have in your life, how you treat others and how you respond to hardship. In these interactions, you act according to your values. Which values are you acting upon?

Consider each answer you have and write down what value it represents. Once you have a list of values for all of your answers, narrow it down to your top 5, the top 5 values you can’t live without.
Then, make sure you write them down, put them in your phone, a Dropbox Paper file or write them on a post-it and put it on your fridge. You can now use these values to direct your focus and to help you make decisions. For example, knowing that “connection” is a top 5 value, start to think of ways that you can incorporate that value into your day today. It could be smiling and chatting with the barista as you get coffee, it could be really stopping and listening to your colleague as they discuss an issue. When making decisions, you can evaluate your options by how they align or don’t align with your values. If you’re not feeling particularly happy with the way your life is going, you can re-evaluate all aspects of your life based on these values. Then implement changes to move forward.

What you’ll find is that living (and working) according to your values will bring you a sense of peace, make your life much easier and create a sense of purpose you never knew you could have.