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What you need to know about resistance

If you’re chasing some big goals then you probably need no introduction to the experience of resistance! Yes, it seems to come up loud and clear the moment we commit to a big goal. Suddenly we’re looking up the cliff face above us thinking… oh man, this is huge!

But resistance is also a bit sneaky in that it pops up in much smaller things in everyday life.Have you ever woken up in the morning with a horrible feeling of the day that lays ahead of you?

You know you have a wonderful life and are generally a positive person. But still, there are days when you feel that“urgh” feeling. You might start to wonder… What am I doing wrong? Why do I feel so bad?

You’re not doing anything wrong. There is no problem. I know, from the way you feel, you assume there is a problem, but trust me, more often than not, there is no real problem. 

This is resistance at work! Let me explain…

Resistance is our mind creating a problem with either:

  1. the way things actually are(your current circumstances or a situation) OR
  2. your experience of an emotion(usually the ones we call negative)

As you know, our brains are wired for survival and can be hypervigilant. We need to manage our minds or they will manage us! With resistance it’s all about just understanding what is really going on!

Your brain is creating a problem about the way things are.For example:Situation: You have back to back meetings all dayThoughts:“It’s going to be exhausting”,“This is ridiculous, I can’t get my work done with so many meetings”These thoughts are creating a problem where there wasn’t one. Meetings all day- fact. Notice that the situation is not good or bad until the thoughts about the meetings kicks in. There is a judgement of good/bad. Our thinking creates the problem, the resistance to reality. Once that happens, we cannot accept how things are. They are perceived as “bad”or “wrong”. As a result, we spend most of the day resisting the situation because “it shouldn’t be this way”.

The other thing resistance does is push back against an emotion. Usually an emotion that doesn’t feel comfortable. Instead of allowing the emotion, we try to avoid it or cover it. As we were never really taught how to manage our emotions, it’s no wonder we we actually just try and avoid the ones we don’t like the feel of! But, I digress… 

The only trouble with resisting an emotion is that it actually strengthens it! So, you will start to feel even more uncomfortable. I think we resist our emotions because on some level we think that something is wrong when we are feeling bad. We equate feeling bad with something being wrong. 

But, if we allow it, it passes after a time.

Resistance is a natural part of the human experience, so you’re not alone. But to better manage your mind and move towards dissolving resistance, here’s something to try:When you feel that sense of resistance creeping in, ask yourself: What problem might I be creating here? What emotion might I be experiencing? 

Stopping to ask those questions is enough to loosen the grip of the resistance and move towards awareness. And being aware of what’s really going on is enough to create a significant shift for yourself, believe me!

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The skill you truly need to succeed

What is the one constant in life? Change.

We as individuals are constantly evolving, our work and industries are always shifting. Thinking back to 10 years ago, how much has your life changed? What is different now in your business and the way you market your business?

The answer is likely, a lot.

The nature of life is change and growth. If you’re reading this you most likely actively seek growth. Personal growth. You want to expand your understanding and skills to create a better life and business for yourself. There is plenty of content to consume and so much information at our fingertips, there really is no limit to how much we can grow our own skills. But what I want to present today is that regardless of what you have learnt and the skills you currently possess, there is actually 1 master skill that is essential for your success.

I call it a master skill because it sits above all the others that you have. All the other tips and advice you have implemented simply all lead back to this one master skill. Without this skill, trying to grow and develop yourself and your business will be a much more difficult road. Yet, we are not taught this fundamental skill at school or tertiary education. Most of us learn it the hard way, through life’s challenges. Additionally, most of us never consider building on this skill to accelerate our growth.

The master skill I am referring to is the skill of being able to embrace change. Not as simple as it sounds, actually. But more than worth the effort.
Embracing change is not about being one of the “early adaptors” of technology. Although early adaptors may also have this skill. Embracing change is about understanding, recognising and managing the change process. The change process within yourself and that of the events that are the ebb and flow of your life.

Most of us are not focused on change and it’s presence in our lives, until a big change comes along that was unexpected. Then we start the process of trying to figure out how to deal with it. But some of us do pursue change, at least at an intellectual level, through our pursuit of goals. And this is where we can meet the change process head-on, as we try to create new habits. 

Learning to create a new habit and sustain it requires much effort, I am sure you will agree. The skill you need is built slowly and over time. But like any muscle that is used, continues to get stronger. This is one way for us to learn about the change process, what is involved and the challenges it presents. It creates an opportunity to build a master skill that can be applied to all aspects of your life, namely, being able to change yourself and adapt to change around you.

If you would like to learn more about the change process, I am presenting a Day Course on How To Embrace Change at the St George & Sutherland Community College on Saturday 15th June. Click below for further details:

Learn To Embrace Change – Day Workshop

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5 ways to create options when you feel stuck

At one time or another we’ve all felt stuck. Our momentum grinds to a halt and we find ourselves procrastinating about what to do next. Know what I mean?

This often shows up after not getting the results we were after for a specific campaign or project. Sometimes it’s a case of overwhelm and there are just too many things to think of. We lose our focus or aim and we end up in a kind of holding pattern. 

The longer we stay in this holding pattern, the more we feel we will never get out of it.

So, the first thing to do is act fast. Once you realise you’re stuck or you sense that you’ve lost momentum, I suggest applying one or more of these 5 fixes:

1. Ask yourself: If I was assuming something about this situation, what might that be?
Asking quality questions will always open up ideas and opportunities. It’s what I mostly do as a coach and I will happily share with you the best questions I use. This is one of them. Asking what you’re assuming will re-frame your situation. You will be able to view it differently. eg. If you were in a situation trying to decide between two course of action, asking this question will help you to understand your unconscious assumptions about the situations. You may be assuming that one course of action is hard or expensive. You may be assuming that someone won’t agree to your request etc. 

2. Ask your future self
I love this practice. Asking your future self is a very powerful tool that you can use not just to get you unstuck but to guide you throughout your journey. It’s a simple as imaging that you are at your end goal. You have achieved what you set out to achieve. Imagine that version of yourself and ask them for advice. Sounds a little strange at first, but it’s kind of like asking your wiser self. If you already had achieved the goal and were looking back to right now, what would you advise yourself to do.

3. Revisit your values
We can often get stuck when we feel that all directions or decisions are equally weighed. Going back to basics and revisting your values will help with this. You have a values list, right? (If not, check out my blog post here about it) If you see your situation and choices through your values, it will be easier to start to move forward. It will make it clear to you what is truly important.

4. Change of scene
Sometimes it’s a case of getting perspective. Once you’re in that holding pattern and overthinking about what to do and not doing anything, it can be good to just escape. You need to step outside of the zone you’re working in and look inwards, rather than be in the middle of it trying to find the way. I always find that a day trip to a different city or town helps.Getting away from our“roles” is important. Go somewhere noone knows you and you can just be you, not you the business owner, wife/husband, parent, manager etc. You’ll be surprised by the effect. You’ll likely get  a new perspective or idea that will make all the difference.

5. What is the best case scenario
We’re all familiar with best and worst case scenario evaluations. Have you ever weighed up a decision using only the best case scenario, for both options? If you’re stuck on a decision, look at each option separately and imagine the absolute best case scenario. What is the ideal outcome? What would you be doing? How would you feel?Imagine the absolute best case scenario for both options and then go with what feels best. Remember, don’t consider the worst case scenario at all. Just look at the absolute best for both options.

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5 Steps To Working More ON Your Business (Than IN It)

A common situation that business owners find themselves in, is spending all of their time working in their business. They either don’t have (or don’t make) time to work on their business. There are a number of different reasons for this, but most commonly it is because they are often too busy“fighting fires”. This means that they are dealing with urgent issues and solving problems at the surface level to ensure that the business keeps functioning.

So why is this significant? Because not working on your business will leave you stuck right where you are, fighting fires and not being able to create or accommodate business growth. It’s also very stressful and frustrating for everyone involved- you, your staff and customers. Your business will not deliver the results you want financially or the lifestyle you want until you start to work more on it than in it. 

Working on your business includes tasks such as planning, goal-setting, systemising, marketing and generating new ideas for products or services. Have you done any of these tasks within the last few weeks? If you haven’t, then now is the perfect opportunity to start. The more time you can spend working on your business, the more business growth you can create and manage sustainably.

Here’s my 5 Step Process to Working More ON Your Business:
1. Shift your mindset
It’s easy to stay on the front line of your business, caught up in the day-to-day because there is always something else that needs doing. Your to-do list will never be empty, so don’t wait for that! You need to start to value time spent on the“non-urgent” tasks that are not associated with the basic functioning of your business. These “non-urgent” tasks are the tasks that make your business sustainable in the longer term and eventually will become urgent if you let them go long enough! Creating business growth and managing it requires systemisation, planning and a strategy, all of which require you to step away from the day-to-day. So you need to shift your mindset about how you spend your time.
2. Prioritise it
There’s no magic formula here, you just need to prioritise spending your time working on your business. You can do this simply by blocking out 2-3 hours of your time every week when you will work solely on these types of tasks. Then, commit to it each and every week, no matter what comes up or seems to be more important.
3. Systemise
You can create more time to work on your business when you systemise your business. If you have no written systems for business transactions and operations, then it is running inefficiently and you are spending more time than is necessary working in it. Creating a step-by-step process for the main functions and transactions within your business means that each time you do a specific task, you follow that specific procedure. This speeds everything up! It also makes you consistent in how you do things. The end result is you have more time to spare to work on your business.
4. Delegate or Outsource
There are some tasks within your business that you do not  personally need to do. Delegating and outsourcing some of these tasks frees up your time so you can work on your business. Instead of spending your valuable cognitive energy on tasks that don’t directly affect your business growth, spend time on tasks that do! Do you need to personally clean your office/ do your bookkeeping/pick up your dry-cleaning/update your website? If you don’t personally need to do it, consider not doing it.
5. Get a coach
A coach can not only help you implement all of the above steps, but they will also work alongside you to keep you focusing on your business priorities. Any time spent with a coach is time pent working on your business and you are not working on it alone. A coach can provide an un-biased sounding board, support and the resources you need to assist you in implementing the changes you want to make in your business.

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The 4 people you need in your support network

Do you have a support network? By support network I mean specific people that you can talk to and sometimes lean on when need be. As a Solopreneur or Small Business Owner, the journey you take with your business can get rather challenging at times. You want to ensure that you build in some reinforcements while the winds are not blowing. Ie. right now!

Now is the perfect time to evaluate your current support network or indeed create one, if you don’t already have one. Before the busyness of the year takes over and you get lost in tasks and to-do’s! You need to take advantage of this honeymoon period, when all is working well and you are thinking clearly. 

Now’s the time to set yourself up with the support you’ll need to get through the rest of the year.

It’s time to build your 4 pillars of support!

The support you’ll need to achieve your business goals for 2019 will vary depending on what is going on both with you personally and within your business. Throughout the year you will need support in a number of different forms to keep you focused and moving forward. That’s why I suggest you build a support network that provides for a broad foundation. I call it the 4 pillars of support. 

Here is my definition of each of the 4 pillars:

1. Your Significant Other or Family Member
I start with this pillar because it is really the most important. Yes, your relationship with your significant other will impact your business! Basically, they need to be on board with what you’re doing. They don’t need to be involved directly but you should have open communication about major events and goals for your business so they have an idea at least of what you’re dealing with. The support of your significant other cannot really be underestimated. While this pillar of support may not ever involve you getting any advice or solutions, the strength to this pillar is in the unconditional love and support. When you’ve had a hard day, lost a sale or completely failed at something… this pillar of support will be the one you need. 

2. Other Solopreneurs & Small Business Owners
It’s important to not just know other business people you work with but to also have them within your social circle. Whether you call them friends or associates doesn’t matter. The point is that you meet with them on a regular basis. For many Solopreneurs and Small business Owners it can feel quite isolating, especially in the early years. Meeting with like-minded business people allows you access to other people’s business experience, advice and solutions. And to offer the same to others. 

3. A Close Friend Who Doesn’t Work in Your Industry
This is an easy one and a support that we’re all likely familiar with. This is the person  that will listen to you when you need to just talk, or they will be the someone you go to to be pleasantly distracted from other things that are going on. It’s therefore important that this pillar of support be someone who is not in your industry. There are two reasons for this: 1. If you are talking about  business issues, they have an outsider point of view to share with you and as they are not at all attached to your business, they can help you put things into perspective when necessary. And 2. As this person is not involved in your business industry, they can provide a nice escape from discussing business issues when you’d rather not.

4. A Coach or Mentor
Let’s start by distinguishing the difference between the two. A Mentor is someone who has specific experience, perhaps in your industry, who assumes a role of advising and guiding you on your journey. Their advice and guidance is based on their own experiences.A Coach (we’re talking professionally certified Coach) provides support and empowerment within a co-active relationship. Unlike other professional advisors, a Coach works alongside you to achieve your outcomes. The role of a coach is multi-faceted and you can see my full description here. A Coach is trained to put your interests first above all and be neutral in their approach. Working with a coach therefore opens up self-awareness, opportunities and assists in breaking through limitations that you may or may not be aware of. A good Coach will support you and hold you accountable. They will also work with you to create a specific action plan and provide tools to move you towards your intended outcomes.