The Solopreneur Coach HomepageThe Solopreneur Coach

Header Right

coaching

by

7 simple ways to create certainty

As challenging as these times may be, most of us still have ultimate control over our lives.The problem is that right now, it doesn’t feel like it.

You may feel tired and completely thrown off course by the events of this year.

Maybe you’re even confused about your purpose, your business, your life.
Or perhaps you’re just sick of feeling stuck and unable to plan for the future.

That’s okay. These feelings are a normal human reaction to all of the upheaval we’ve experienced. You are definitely not alone in these feelings!

However, if you’re sick of feeling so uncertain, then keep reading because I’d like to share with you 7 simple ways that will help you feel more certain.

Because the truth is, you can create certainty for yourself on a daily basis. 

You may not be able to change what’s going on out there in the world but you can most certainly rule your own world!

You can use these strategies to easily increase the feeling of certainty in your life.

Many of them are small things that you can start right now, today. The great things is that you don’t have to do all 7, but of course, the more you can incorporate into your routine, the better.

Strategy 1: Have a plan
When we don’t have a plan, we drift with the wind and more significantly we don’t feel in control of our destiny. You can make a plan in uncertain times. Yes, you can. You may need to review it in a few month’s time to see if it’s still relevant, but you still should make the plan now.

Strategy 2: Make decisions
Again, one quick way to start to feel more in control of your world is to make decisions. Allowing yourself to stay in indecision because you’re “not sure what will happen” or “don’t have enough information” does not serve you. It will create more uncertainty. Even if you don’t want to decide something now, you can still decide to get further information and review it in a month with a view to making the decision then. Do you get where I’m going here? It prevents you from going back and forth over the “will I or won’t I” that makes us all feel so powerless. You can instead decide to forget about it for a month, get more info and then decide. Or, decide now.

Strategy 3: Take action- small things count
The idea is to think small here. Can you clean out one drawer in your home or office? Can you do one task on your to-do list? Taking small actions in a positive direction make a big difference. In particular de-cluttering will give you a sense of control over your environment. Just remember to do small bits at a time to avoid overwhelm.

Strategy 4: Strengths and gratitude
Gratitude helps you to look for what you already have and to acknowledge it. This helps you to see that you do actually have what you need. Focusing on this at least once a day and seeking out your personal strengths will assist in keeping the uncertainty at bay.

Strategy 5: Daily practices to anchor you
What habits or rituals have an anchoring effect for you? These are the practices that rejuvinate you or keep you focused and feeling in control or confident and secure. Is it keeping up an exercise routine? Chanting, prayers, meditation? Patting your cat? Whatever restores you and gives you a sense of being in-control and secure can become an anchor for you on a daily basis.

Strategy 6: Boundaries – fear mongering and media
Use your boundaries. Don’t allow in too much uncertainty from other people(family included) and the news/social media. Stay informed but don’t let them tell you how uncertain or worried you must feel. Limit your daily intake of news to avoid feelings of overwhelm and anxiety driven by what is mostly bad news.

Strategy 7: Re-frame the situationYes it’s been a challenging year and even at times quite a confronting one. Things seem to be shifting and life is not what it was 6 months ago. Sure, but try asking yourself these questions to re-frame this current situation:
What are some good things that have come out of this?
If there was an opportunity right now for me, what might it be?
What have I learnt about my real values in the last few months?

These strategies work and they will make a difference right away, so do start as soon as you can. It’s best to try implementing one or two for a week and maintain consistency with those first. Then you can add more as you like.

If you liked this post, sign up for my fortnightly Coaching Email.

by

Should you believe all of your thoughts?

So, I thought I’d pose an important and interesting question to you today.

Should you believe all of your thoughts?

What do you think?
Do you think you should 100% believe every thought that pops into your mind? What about the conclusions you have about a long term friend or that person you just met?

You see our thoughts are actually not facts.

Most often our thoughts are an opinion or an interpretation. Many of them are habits. Yes, we often think the same thoughts and have the same conclusions. And guess what? They are still not facts, no matter how often you’ve thought them. But that’s just it, isn’t it?

Thoughts that we have had on a regular basis over the course of our life are often accepted as facts. We think what we think is the truth. 

But, it’s not.

Thoughts are not facts.

This is not a bad thing. I am not saying that we are all liars or are completely deluded. But I am saying that you need to be aware of what you’re thinking and ask for evidence on a regular basis.

Let’s look at an example of how our thoughts are really an interpretation of a situation:
Fact: My boss has not openly praised my work in a long time.
Thought: “My boss doesn’t value me”.
There could be many reasons why your boss has not openly praised you in a long time, and most of them have nothing to do with you. Think about it.
Your boss is busy, self-absorbed, going through a rough time, not good at praising others, is distracted, is stressed… 

The point is, there are many interpretations of the facts, but our minds usually create one and stick with it. It’s not a fact, it’s a story or an interpretation.

If you have a thought that is creating negativity for you or keeping you feeling “stuck”, try asking for some evidence:
“What evidence is there for this thought?”
And secondly, “does this thought serve me?”

These questions will open up the possibility of other interpretations. They will create space around what could be an assumption, a long-standing story you’ve been telling yourself.

Try it. See what happens.

by

3 things influencing your thinking right now

  • 3 things that are influencing your thinking right now.

If there is one thing that this pandemic world has taught us, it is the value of our mental health. For many of us it is the first time that we are experiencing a sense of uncertainty, disruption and confusion on such a large scale and across multiple facets of our lives. With such disruption we are all more vulnerable to experiencing stress and mental health challenges. Today I’d like to share with you the 3 things that are influencing your thinking right now.

The act of creating awareness of what is influencing your thoughts right now is so important. The thoughts we keep thinking are creating our emotions and our experience of the current circumstances.
This is not about thinking positive thoughts and ignoring the bad things happening. 

This is about creating awareness that in turn creates space for choice.

You can choose what you feed your mind and what you focus on. You can make changes when you’re aware of what isn’t helping you.

Let’s get started!

Likely the biggest influence on your thinking at the moment is the media. News about the pandemic, social media and all those statistical updates are beating down the door all day long. We are particularly vulnerable at the moment because we are hoping for a breakthrough and also fearing the worst. This means we check the news more often because we hope to hear good news and we hope we don’t hear worse news. We’re in flight or flight mode and our survival instincts are kicking in.

The impact: Media exacerbates fear and uncertainty. If we are hoping for a positive change, we feel the disappointment each time the news does not deliver it. You can also feel overwhelmed with the scale of influence of this pandemic in conjunction with other world events.

What to do: Limit your intake of news from all sources (including social media) to a set time each day. Perhaps 10 minutes in the morning and night. The key here is to create boundaries. It’s easy to keep checking all day for updates but doing that is incredibly unhelpful and often damaging to our mental health. 

The next big influence on your thinking right now is physical detachment. Many of us are working from home or are in different work circumstances. Our normal hobbies may be interrupted and certainly travel has been restricted. The number of people you see and interact with in-person on a daily basis is significantly reduced. The networks we all felt a part of at work and in our after work activities have dissolved or are disrupted.

The impact: Many of us are feeling isolated and some of us are experiencing loneliness. Our support networks are disrupted which increases these feelings of isolation. If you live with your partner/family, they have assumed the role of friend, colleague, partner, confidant. If you live alone you may feel increased feelings of isolation and a sense of having to face it all on your own.

What to do: As many of our interactions have fallen away due to isolation, you need to have a plan to create interactions. It doesn’t have to be complex at all. Set yourself a minimum social contact goal to chat to at least 2 friends or family members each week. Make one of those interactions via video or phone as this will generate more feelings of connection. Who can you safely meet in person? Schedule a walk/ coffee chat/ brunch with a friend while being mindful of social distancing. 

The third influence on your thinking right now is what I like to call change fallout. Change – even small change- has a big impact on us as human beings. Therefore large scale change has a huge impact. Even if you’re not feeling it on the surface and you are able to generally manage your days, you are still being affected (so be mindful). 

The impact: Change is tiring, perhaps exhausting at times. You can feel emotions ranging from a little nervousness and anxiety through to feeling completely lost. You may not feel like yourself. You might feel like something is wrong. And because of this your thinking can spiral into some negative self talk such as “I should be managing it better” or “what’s wrong with me?”

What to do: When your physical and/or mental energy is reduced, do less. Simplify, simplify, simplify. When you have energy then you can resume your to-do list. This may fluctuate as the weeks roll on and that’s okay. Have a self-care plan. You must be doing at least 2-3 activities each week that will bring you rest, calm/peace of mind. This is different for everyone but some examples include: exercise, relaxing with a book/Netflix, creating special rituals that help you stay grounded, meditation, time with nature/pets. Implement self care practices for the long term, not just for the times when you feel that you need it.

Did you find this post interesting? Subscribe to my weekly Coaching Email here.

by

Beware the pathway to burnout (you may be on it)

Right now the conditions are ripe for burnout. There is plenty of uncertainty within organisations and businesses. Many people – and perhaps yourself too – are unconsciously working harder or longer. This is partly because we all don’t want to fail, lose a business, a position, get fired. In addition to this, our normal patterns of recreation and travel are disrupted which seems to be leading many of us towards just not going anywhere and more significantly, not taking a break at all.

It’s not sustainable.

I can see it already in the faces and actions of people. Sometimes it’s a stern kind of determined look of powering through until it’s all over and we can go back to“normal”. Sometimes it’s a weary sigh saddled with abject apathy and the resignation, “well I can’t go anywhere so I might as well work”.

And I can see how we’ve each ended up in these situations, with these approaches to what is a very confusing time. Our normal work patterns are disrupted and we’re mostly working from home. There goes major boundary number one. Work and home are now operating on the same turf. Even if you have plenty of space, there’s something about living and working in the same place for most of the week that blurs the lines between work and home. Even if you’re like me and you can switch off the laptop when it’s time, I find myself still having many more work conversations at home.

But for many others it’s even more intrusive. The long task list and projects have essentially“moved in”  and there seems no way to get rid of them. Except, of course, to finish them. Right? So off you go peddling all day and all night to “just finish this last bit so I can relax”. This is based on the idea of salvation at the end of a project. It can also pop up in any goal setting scenario you find yourself in. I don’t judge this approach at all, after all I did it myself for a very long time. 

What I want to point out is that this practice insists that you delay your“reward” until the race is over and in the current circumstances this is now more dangerous than ever.

You will burn out.

And it’s often hardest for people like you to hear this. You are likely very accomplished at what you do. Maybe you’re a business owner, a leader, certainly someone who likes to get things done and to achieve things. These wonderful traits also make it harder for you to listen up when someone talks about burnout because you kind of think it doesn’t apply to you.  Not in an arrogant way. You’ve just always been highly productive, so what’s wrong with that. Nothing, of course.
 
But I bring your attention to the current context we all find ourselves in. It’s the fact that most aspects of our lives are disrupted at the moment. The disruption and uncertainty impacts you more than you think it does.  When multiple facets of our lives are moving parts, it creates stress on some level. Just because you have not directly been impacted by the virus by actually catching it, does not mean you have not been affected by COVID-19. But there seems to be a lot of people pretending that they’re not affected… or perhaps they are just unaware.

It’s sneaky, you see. When you can manage the changes on a surface level, you keep functioning. So you assume that you’re okay. But realistically we’re all stressed. We all need some time out and yes, even a getaway (within the current travel restrictions). So when are you booking your break?

For more info on burnout, check out these resources:

https://www.mindtools.com/pages/article/avoiding-burnout.htm

https://www.workplacestrategiesformentalhealth.com/managing-workplace-issues/burnout-response

by

6 signs that you will benefit from working with a coach

Not sure if you might benefit from working with a coach? Today I share some common situations that professionals and small business owners are finding themselves in right now. If you relate to these scenarios, you might want to consider hiring a coach.

  1. You feel overwhelmed or stressed
    The main causes of overwhelm and stress relate to how you manage your mind and how you manage your time. Of course at the moment, you also have the global pandemic, which is adding to stress levels for many people. Your coach can help you develop specific strategies to address stress and work with you on managing your mindset to reduce overwhelm and stress.
  1. You feel stuck
    Things have ground to a halt in recent months and you can’t seem to feel confident about the future let alone make decisions. In times of uncertainty it’s normal to feel thrown off-track. Your coach can help you navigate the way forward in small steps to get you moving again.
  1. You don’t have a written vision, goals and a plan
    You need the big picture for your future defined in a vision as well as a written set of goals with a specific plan to achieve them. Regardless of any uncertainty around you, your coach can work with you and provide resources that assist you in this process.
  1. You’re so busy and don’t see an end in sight
    If you feel like you have no time, then you should definitely seek help. Your coach has an “outside” perspective which can help you see your way through this. Together you can implement a time management plan to get on top of things once again.
  1. You want reliable and objective support or feedback and someone to keep you on track
    It’s SO much easier having someone to talk to about your business or career. Imagine if you had someone whose job it is is to listen and support you, someone who will help you keep on track and be the sounding board you need. This is what your coach can do for you.
  1. You haven’t defined your values or understand your purpose
    If you don’t know why you’re doing what you’re doing, you can end up with motivational challenges the moment you hit a bump in the road. Additionally you need to understand your personal values and confidently know that they align with your business and professional goals. This ensures that you’re creating what will be truly fulfilling for you. Your coach can help you define your values and keep you focused on your purpose.

    If you think you may want to try working with a Certified Coach, sign up to my FREE Coaching Introductory Session.

    A Coaching Introductory Session is a 1 hour one on one meeting to discuss your business and life concerns. It’s an opportunity to experience what it’s like to be coached and if you would benefit from coaching. Register here.