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When your world is turned upside down

Right now most of us are dealing with change across multiple areas of our lives: work, family, social and recreational. It’s a lot to deal with all at once. It’s normal to feel tired and overwhelmed at times. Adjusting to change is challenging, and to be dealing with it on multiple fronts with uncertainty is particularly difficult. But it is also an opportunity.

Right now it feels like your world is upside down. You may feel uncertain of your (and your family’s future). You may already be unsure about your business and job situation. And of course, the main concern- your health and that of your loved ones.

I want you to know that it’s okay to feel completely thrown off balance by all this. I want to share what the common experience of dealing with a crisis, a loss and change are for most people.

I want you to understand that what you’re feeling is normal and very human. It’s nothing to be ashamed about. We all have a similar experience when it comes to loss and change.

I also want to remind you that you are resilient. For almost all of us, this is not our first experience of a crisis in our lives. It may be the biggest one you’ve seen, maybe not. But a lot of us have already seen and experienced difficult times before.

If you have ever grieved, lost or left everything you know and completely started over… you already have the skills to be resilient. You may need to be reminded, but you still know deep within, that it will be okay. You will manage it. Your world may not be same again, but you will emerge stronger and more compassionate. It is the vulnerability that you’ve already embraced that will be your strength.

For now though, you might be at the surface level where the waves are rough and there is little stillness. At the beginning of a major crisis when the chaos is still whirring, you may experience some challenging feelings and thoughts.
It is common in a crisis to experience one or more of the following:

Feelings of overwhelm and powerlessnessNo, we cannot control the world. When the world reminds us of this in a big way, it can be very overwhelming. We experience feelings of powerlessness. We feel as if we’ve been beaten down.
This is a normal reaction to big changes that you didn’t choose to make. 

Anger
Are you posting angry comments on social media? Are you complaining about the government? The people that bought all the toilet paper? Large unexpected changes can trigger anger in many of us. Underneath anger is usually fear, so be compassionate with yourself and others if you come into the firing line.
Anger can surface when we feel fearful or threatened by a situation. 

Sadness
When we experience any change, there can be a sense of loss. Even positive changes can still leave us contemplating “how it was before”. Change on a large scale, as we are all experiencing, will cause many of us to feel sad for the way things are(because they are not the same as before). You may also experience sadness about the impact generally on people’s health and lives.
Sadness is a part of processing change for most of us.

Feeling tired or exhausted
Stress and change will make you tired. At the moment you are likely experiencing a lot of both of these. 
It’s normal to be feeling more tired than usual.(Although I do note, that if you have other symptoms that also accompany the tiredness, seek your GP’s advice)

Panic and anxiety
If you’ve read any of my posts or come to a workshop about habits, you know already that our human brains don’t like change. Change requires more effort from your brain ( it’s got to create new neural pathways) and it basically freaks it out. Our brains get freaked out by change because it is unfamiliar and potentially a threat. Throw in a health epidemic on a global scale and it’s easy to predict that many of us are experiencing anxiety or even panic. 
Panic and anxiety can be experienced when the human brain kicks into survival mode without regulation. By regulation I mean you becoming aware or managing your thoughts. Read more about that here.

Loss of identity or sense of self
You might not feel like yourself right now. All things familiar are drying up and you’re not sure of your place in the world. Many of us attach our identity to our roles in society and they are currently being disrupted. You are also likely experiencing a shift in your personal values. In the midst of large scale life changes, we can often reassess (consciously or unconsciously) what we truly value.
Feeling a shift in your identity and values is often part of the change process and dealing with a crisis.


I hope that sharing this information about how we experience change and difficult times has helped you in some way. My aim is just to set you at ease that it’s okay to be feeling these things right now. Be compassionate with yourself and others and most importantly, implement coping strategies now to get you through what will be an extended period of disruption.

Here are some helpful links to help you manage yourself, your emotions and thoughts:

Coping tips for the Coronavirus pandemic

How to quieten your mind chatterBlack Dog Institute: 10 tips for managing anxiety during Covid-19

How to beat stress, trauma and adversity with resilience

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1 change to make this week!

Our ability to create change in our lives starts with our willingness to do something different. All change – big or small- begins with the tiniest movement . It’s a small opening where we allow ourselves to consider that there might be another option. 

We discover or we are shown that there are in fact other ideas or paths, thus creating multiple opportunities. Either way, change starts with allowing something in. Almost a speck and insignificant, this small possibility is the birth of change. 

Change starts small. One decision, one habit, one new idea. 

If you think back to changes that you have made in your life, you will find that there was a time when your thinking about that specific situation that shifted. You reached a point (by force or by choice) where you suddenly opened to another perspective. Then came the willingness to try. And after trying and failing, but keeping on trying, you created a significant change.
You’ve done it before so you can do it again.

What do you want to change this year? 

What 1 change will you make this week to move towards a new possibility?

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How to deal with change

Change in our lives can be something we consciously choose or something that is in some way thrust upon us. You’ve likely experienced both types of change and discovered that whichever way it comes, change always poses challenges. Yes, even the things we choose to invite into our lives that require change can be uncomfortable (at first) and difficult to adjust to.


In fact, it’s a natural human response to just resist change. Our brains are wired to keep us alive and to be efficient; two things that the process of change works completely against.


We all struggle with change because initially we cannot be on autopilot as we used to. Doing different things, even just driving to a different workplace, requires more cognitive effort. Having to be more alert and less often on autopilot is tiring and you’ll feel it. Change almost always signifies an end as much as it does a new beginning and dealing with that sense of loss can also be confronting. In terms of the bigger picture, change also interferes with our sense of self. Experiencing large changes, especially close together, can send you into a mini identity crisis. You don’t feel like yourself but you don’t feel comfortable in the new you, so to speak.


As challenging as change is for all of us, it’s also inevitable and very much a normal part of life(although it may not feel normal). So you’ll likely agree that it’s worth building your change adaptation skills. From my personal experience of much change within my own life and through watching clients navigate the change process, I’ve established a change management strategy that you can implement with any change situation.


Here’s 6 approaches to better manage change. Ideally, you would implement all of them, but just start with one at a time to focus on for maybe a week or two.


Accept it’s a challenging time and it’s ok to feel a mix of emotions
We established that change is challenging for all of us. So taking that a step further, you need to accept there’s nothing wrong with you. Everyone is challenged by change. So when you inevitably experience thoughts along the lines of “I’m not managing this very well, there’s something I’m not good at” etc. you can remind yourself of this truth. There is in fact nothing wrong with you. This is an adjustment phase and you are navigating it.A variety of emotions can come up during the change phase, but if you expect them to show up, you’re less concerned when they do. You may experience feelings of doubt, feeling just not like yourself and most likely you will experience stress.


Simplify
If you are experiencing or creating major changes in your life and/or business, then you need to simplify things. This is one of the best techniques to apply, with immediate results. Look at everything that you have on your to-do list, goals and responsibilities and decide which things you can delay(push your deadline back), delegate or delete altogether. You can’t do it all while navigating the change process, as this will only exacerbate the stress and overwhelm. Simplify by reducing responsibilities.


Allow more time
Most of us would prefer that we have a certain established amount of time and at the end of that time, the change process is complete. All nice and neat and predictable. Mostly we just want it to take as little as time as possible. I warn against giving into these thoughts as they completely oppose the process of change. You need to allow more time for this process that you would otherwise anticipate or expect for any challenge. Creating or accepting change takes time. And there is no way to speed this process up. Be patient with yourself and get the support you need to keep you moving forward.

Expect to fall off track
Change is not a straight line from one way of being to another. If you graphed it it’d probably be a zigzag. You cope and adjust to the new habit or situation quite well for a while, but then you “regress” back to the old way of doing or being. This is a normal part of the process. But often this is when we all feel like we’ve failed. This is just the beginning. You need to look at change as a series of getting on track and falling off… or if you prefer this analogy, getting back on your horse, time and time again. Noone decides to change and does it in one decision! We all make the decision to change over and over again as we consciously create a new path or habit for ourselves. Expect that you’ll go back and forth for some time between maintaining the change and then not. 

Keep or create core rituals
The change process by its nature throws into dissarray many aspects of our lives. It often can feel like we have lost our point of reference, our home base. I suggest that you make a list of 3 core rituals that you will continue to do or start doing, that make you feel more anchored. Regular activities that are familiar and enjoyable can create a sense of comfort and control, even if all around you feels very different. Keep it simple. Your rituals could be meditation, journalling, exercise, lighting a candle, seeing a movie each week, chatting with a good friend. Whatever works for you. It needs to be enjoyable and some activity you’d like to keep doing at least once a week if not more, to create a ritual.

Create support systems
Moving through change will require more time and energy from you. It can be unsettling, frustrating and tiring. On the flip side, when you do see progress, it will give you a boost of energy and hope. So you can see how it might be a bit of a rollercoaster ride at times. It’s important to therefore have your own back. Work with yourself and not against yourself by becoming aware of any negative thoughts about your situation. Remind yourself that this is a process and will take time. Having your own back means supporting yourself as much as you would support a good friend in their time of need. Give yourself the things you need to rejuvenate your energy and write our any negative thoughts that come up.

I suggest also seeking out support from others as you move through the change process. Talk with a good friend about it, engage with your faith/higher power, read personal development blogs or consider hiring a coach. 

I hope you will consider implementing these tips when you find yourself on your next change journey. Being able to confidently navigate change in our lives is a practical and essential skill in being able to create new things for ourselves and our business. So the benefits will show up now and in the future.

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5 ways to coach yourself

Coaching remains one of the fastest growing industries in Australia. The concept of working alongside a Coach to further your own – or business – development is becoming socially and culturally more accepted, to the point where we’re seeing many “spin-off” services emerge. Health Coach, Sales Coach, Money Coach. When you start to see these additional branches of an industry emerging in a market, you can be quite sure that the concept has truly taken up residence.

If you have already worked with a good qualified Coach, then you can understand why we are embracing this practice more and more. There are numerous benefits, apart from the obvious one of improved performance. Self-awareness, managing the change process within yourself(and your business), overcoming limiting beliefs and learning new behaviours are all part of the package when you engage a qualified personal Coach. Working with a qualified Coach is always the best option for growth and support, but it is not the only option for everyone. Many of us are self-directed learners with a good sense of self and can, to a certain extent, learn to coach ourselves.

Here I will share with you my Top 5 Ways to coach yourself. Some of the concepts will be easier for you to use than others and all of them require a certain amount of practice and repetition to gain the real benefits. But I guarantee that the increased self-awareness and the resulting progress you make will be incredibly rewarding. I recommend that you start with just 1 or 2 of these practices at most. Practice/engage in them for a month before trying the other suggestions.

  1. Ask quality questions
    Our brains are designed to find answers. If you ask yourself a good question, your brain can’t help but try to find the answer, it’s the way it’s wired.  While, many of us look at our problems and ask questions, they are not always helpful questions. Why did this happen? This is not a helpful question. How can we prevent this from happening again? What is the ideal outcome in this situation? How can I make it better?These are more helpful questions. They focus on the future and they open up new ideas and opportunities.

    2. Become aware of your stories
    We can only go as far as our stories will let us. Our stories are the narratives that we’ve told ourselves about our life situations, our achievements, choices and results. Our minds naturally create stories to make sense of the world around us and we’ve been doing this mostly unconsciously since we were born. So all of those experiences you’ve had in early life are shaping the way you interact with the world, based on a story you have about the world and yourself. An example of a story could be: Money is great if you have it, but you have to work hard for it. It requires sacrifice.ORI can stick to a new habit for a few weeks but then I just give up. I’m not good at sticking to things.Becoming aware of the stories that you have is important because they influence what you think is possible for yourself. Do your current stories still serve you or are they limiting you? As we develop and grow over time, we naturally outgrow our stories and need to update them. If you’ve ever gone through some major changes in your life, you will understand that what you used to believe about something has completely changed. This is a significant shift in your story.

    3. Encourage yourself (like you would your best friend)
    We’re all quite good at supporting our close friends in their endeavours but are often more critical of ourselves. Ask yourself: What would I tell my friend in this situation? If you imagine having a conversation with your friend and them presenting the situation that you are actually in, how would you react? This exercise is to help you to become more compassionate towards yourself and to see things from an outsider’s perspective. Encourage yourself like you would your friend and see what a difference that makes.

    4. Reframe
    All of the events of our lives are interpreted by the thoughts we have about those events. All events are neutral, until we apply our thoughts, opinions, calculations and judgements to them. So it is therefore possible that there are multiple ways of thinking about the same event. With this in mind, ask yourself:  What other angle can you look at a problem or situation from? What different perspective can you find? This is called reframing. You essentially create a new way of looking.

    5. Understand the change process
    All of us experience change as it is a natural part of the human experience. Some changes are bigger than others and can affect your whole sense of self and your perception of the world. Other changes are smaller and almost unnoticeable. A lot of the work I do as a Coach is in helping people to navigate the change process. Most of us don’t fully understand that it is an actual process and not a switch or single decision that creates change. Understanding that change takes time, persistence and a plan to keep you on track is essential. As human beings, our brains naturally resist change, which is why habits are hard to make and break. Ensure that you’re on board for the long term and learn to embrace change as a process that you walk through over time. With the right tools and support and a realistic time frame, you can create any positive changes that you wish to create for yourself or your business.

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How to manage change in your business

As your business continues to grow, so will the need for you to better manage change within your business. With each growth spurt, your business requires you to find new ways of doing things to manage the increased workflow while remaining efficient. 

My questions for you are therefore: How well can you adapt to the changing needs of your business? How quickly? How effectively?

If you have no established plan to manage the growth of your business, let me share with you my 5 step plan to manage change in your business. The 5 steps that I outline below are applicable across all industries and business sizes. They are a foundation on which you can build your own tailored change plan for your unique business.

Step 1: Design & document new systems to manage the workload(with other stakeholders/managers)
One of the 3 biggest challenges of a growing business is the systematic shifts that are required as the business grows. The only way to meet this challenge is to design new systems that work better than the current ones. Systems get outgrown as the workflow increases. You need to consult with other stakeholders or managers (if you have a team) and design a new way to do things. Then you must ensure that it is documented, so their can be no discrepancies or misunderstandings.

Step 2: Clearly communicate the new procedures & start date
It’s important that once a new system has been designed, that all staff are notified of these changes and when they are to take effect. You may wish to hold a meeting, send an email or memo. Whichever way you choose to communicate, you must make it clear that the new systems have a specific starting date and that they are not optional. It’s always good to communicate why changes are being made. Most people are reluctant to change, but with a good reason, they are more likely to be onboard. The initial communication should also advise who is responsible for this project, so it is clear where queries can be directed.

Step 3: Provide support
Many systematic changes will require some kind of staff training. This can range from a short one-on-one session to show staff how to do a particular process, through to more in-depth day-long trainings for larger, more complex changes. eg. Using new software for a main part of the sales process would likely require a day’s training on how to use the new software in conjunction with the company’s current procedures. You can also provide support to your staff through the change process by providing convenient ongoing access to the new system procedures, with links to further information and contact with the project owner.

Step 4: Monitor implementation over time
With any changes that you implement, you must find a way to monitor the implementation over time. Initially, you will want to keep checking every week to ensure that the new systems are being utilised. This may be a quick check of the way work has been documented over the last week, or it may require direct feedback from particular individuals. It’s important to track that the new changes are being implemented consistently. This also acts as a reminder for the team to stay with the new process. Changing the way your staff work means that they are essentially changing their habits and this takes time. Change is a process, so be patient.

Step 5: Assess the results
After a significant period has passed and you find that the changes have been fully integrated, it’s time to look at the bigger picture. You implemented the changes for a reason, so are the changes helping solve your original problem? It’s important to assess the effect of the system implementation versus the old way that things were done. In most cases, it’s an easy “yes, this is significantly better”. It’s also good at this point to ask for staff feedback. Now that the changes have been assumed as the new way of doing things, ask staff what they think of the new changes versus the old way. Assessing the results as the business owner is one level, but you also want to make sure that you assess staff feedback as well. They are likely using the new procedures in their work more often than yourself and can provide valuable assessment of the outcomes.