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5 ways to coach yourself

Coaching remains one of the fastest growing industries in Australia. The concept of working alongside a Coach to further your own – or business – development is becoming socially and culturally more accepted, to the point where we’re seeing many “spin-off” services emerge. Health Coach, Sales Coach, Money Coach. When you start to see these additional branches of an industry emerging in a market, you can be quite sure that the concept has truly taken up residence.

If you have already worked with a good qualified Coach, then you can understand why we are embracing this practice more and more. There are numerous benefits, apart from the obvious one of improved performance. Self-awareness, managing the change process within yourself(and your business), overcoming limiting beliefs and learning new behaviours are all part of the package when you engage a qualified personal Coach. Working with a qualified Coach is always the best option for growth and support, but it is not the only option for everyone. Many of us are self-directed learners with a good sense of self and can, to a certain extent, learn to coach ourselves.

Here I will share with you my Top 5 Ways to coach yourself. Some of the concepts will be easier for you to use than others and all of them require a certain amount of practice and repetition to gain the real benefits. But I guarantee that the increased self-awareness and the resulting progress you make will be incredibly rewarding. I recommend that you start with just 1 or 2 of these practices at most. Practice/engage in them for a month before trying the other suggestions.

  1. Ask quality questions
    Our brains are designed to find answers. If you ask yourself a good question, your brain can’t help but try to find the answer, it’s the way it’s wired.  While, many of us look at our problems and ask questions, they are not always helpful questions. Why did this happen? This is not a helpful question. How can we prevent this from happening again? What is the ideal outcome in this situation? How can I make it better?These are more helpful questions. They focus on the future and they open up new ideas and opportunities.

    2. Become aware of your stories
    We can only go as far as our stories will let us. Our stories are the narratives that we’ve told ourselves about our life situations, our achievements, choices and results. Our minds naturally create stories to make sense of the world around us and we’ve been doing this mostly unconsciously since we were born. So all of those experiences you’ve had in early life are shaping the way you interact with the world, based on a story you have about the world and yourself. An example of a story could be: Money is great if you have it, but you have to work hard for it. It requires sacrifice.ORI can stick to a new habit for a few weeks but then I just give up. I’m not good at sticking to things.Becoming aware of the stories that you have is important because they influence what you think is possible for yourself. Do your current stories still serve you or are they limiting you? As we develop and grow over time, we naturally outgrow our stories and need to update them. If you’ve ever gone through some major changes in your life, you will understand that what you used to believe about something has completely changed. This is a significant shift in your story.

    3. Encourage yourself (like you would your best friend)
    We’re all quite good at supporting our close friends in their endeavours but are often more critical of ourselves. Ask yourself: What would I tell my friend in this situation? If you imagine having a conversation with your friend and them presenting the situation that you are actually in, how would you react? This exercise is to help you to become more compassionate towards yourself and to see things from an outsider’s perspective. Encourage yourself like you would your friend and see what a difference that makes.

    4. Reframe
    All of the events of our lives are interpreted by the thoughts we have about those events. All events are neutral, until we apply our thoughts, opinions, calculations and judgements to them. So it is therefore possible that there are multiple ways of thinking about the same event. With this in mind, ask yourself:  What other angle can you look at a problem or situation from? What different perspective can you find? This is called reframing. You essentially create a new way of looking.

    5. Understand the change process
    All of us experience change as it is a natural part of the human experience. Some changes are bigger than others and can affect your whole sense of self and your perception of the world. Other changes are smaller and almost unnoticeable. A lot of the work I do as a Coach is in helping people to navigate the change process. Most of us don’t fully understand that it is an actual process and not a switch or single decision that creates change. Understanding that change takes time, persistence and a plan to keep you on track is essential. As human beings, our brains naturally resist change, which is why habits are hard to make and break. Ensure that you’re on board for the long term and learn to embrace change as a process that you walk through over time. With the right tools and support and a realistic time frame, you can create any positive changes that you wish to create for yourself or your business.

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How to manage change in your business

As your business continues to grow, so will the need for you to better manage change within your business. With each growth spurt, your business requires you to find new ways of doing things to manage the increased workflow while remaining efficient. 

My questions for you are therefore: How well can you adapt to the changing needs of your business? How quickly? How effectively?

If you have no established plan to manage the growth of your business, let me share with you my 5 step plan to manage change in your business. The 5 steps that I outline below are applicable across all industries and business sizes. They are a foundation on which you can build your own tailored change plan for your unique business.

Step 1: Design & document new systems to manage the workload(with other stakeholders/managers)
One of the 3 biggest challenges of a growing business is the systematic shifts that are required as the business grows. The only way to meet this challenge is to design new systems that work better than the current ones. Systems get outgrown as the workflow increases. You need to consult with other stakeholders or managers (if you have a team) and design a new way to do things. Then you must ensure that it is documented, so their can be no discrepancies or misunderstandings.

Step 2: Clearly communicate the new procedures & start date
It’s important that once a new system has been designed, that all staff are notified of these changes and when they are to take effect. You may wish to hold a meeting, send an email or memo. Whichever way you choose to communicate, you must make it clear that the new systems have a specific starting date and that they are not optional. It’s always good to communicate why changes are being made. Most people are reluctant to change, but with a good reason, they are more likely to be onboard. The initial communication should also advise who is responsible for this project, so it is clear where queries can be directed.

Step 3: Provide support
Many systematic changes will require some kind of staff training. This can range from a short one-on-one session to show staff how to do a particular process, through to more in-depth day-long trainings for larger, more complex changes. eg. Using new software for a main part of the sales process would likely require a day’s training on how to use the new software in conjunction with the company’s current procedures. You can also provide support to your staff through the change process by providing convenient ongoing access to the new system procedures, with links to further information and contact with the project owner.

Step 4: Monitor implementation over time
With any changes that you implement, you must find a way to monitor the implementation over time. Initially, you will want to keep checking every week to ensure that the new systems are being utilised. This may be a quick check of the way work has been documented over the last week, or it may require direct feedback from particular individuals. It’s important to track that the new changes are being implemented consistently. This also acts as a reminder for the team to stay with the new process. Changing the way your staff work means that they are essentially changing their habits and this takes time. Change is a process, so be patient.

Step 5: Assess the results
After a significant period has passed and you find that the changes have been fully integrated, it’s time to look at the bigger picture. You implemented the changes for a reason, so are the changes helping solve your original problem? It’s important to assess the effect of the system implementation versus the old way that things were done. In most cases, it’s an easy “yes, this is significantly better”. It’s also good at this point to ask for staff feedback. Now that the changes have been assumed as the new way of doing things, ask staff what they think of the new changes versus the old way. Assessing the results as the business owner is one level, but you also want to make sure that you assess staff feedback as well. They are likely using the new procedures in their work more often than yourself and can provide valuable assessment of the outcomes.

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The skill you truly need to succeed

What is the one constant in life? Change.

We as individuals are constantly evolving, our work and industries are always shifting. Thinking back to 10 years ago, how much has your life changed? What is different now in your business and the way you market your business?

The answer is likely, a lot.

The nature of life is change and growth. If you’re reading this you most likely actively seek growth. Personal growth. You want to expand your understanding and skills to create a better life and business for yourself. There is plenty of content to consume and so much information at our fingertips, there really is no limit to how much we can grow our own skills. But what I want to present today is that regardless of what you have learnt and the skills you currently possess, there is actually 1 master skill that is essential for your success.

I call it a master skill because it sits above all the others that you have. All the other tips and advice you have implemented simply all lead back to this one master skill. Without this skill, trying to grow and develop yourself and your business will be a much more difficult road. Yet, we are not taught this fundamental skill at school or tertiary education. Most of us learn it the hard way, through life’s challenges. Additionally, most of us never consider building on this skill to accelerate our growth.

The master skill I am referring to is the skill of being able to embrace change. Not as simple as it sounds, actually. But more than worth the effort.
Embracing change is not about being one of the “early adaptors” of technology. Although early adaptors may also have this skill. Embracing change is about understanding, recognising and managing the change process. The change process within yourself and that of the events that are the ebb and flow of your life.

Most of us are not focused on change and it’s presence in our lives, until a big change comes along that was unexpected. Then we start the process of trying to figure out how to deal with it. But some of us do pursue change, at least at an intellectual level, through our pursuit of goals. And this is where we can meet the change process head-on, as we try to create new habits. 

Learning to create a new habit and sustain it requires much effort, I am sure you will agree. The skill you need is built slowly and over time. But like any muscle that is used, continues to get stronger. This is one way for us to learn about the change process, what is involved and the challenges it presents. It creates an opportunity to build a master skill that can be applied to all aspects of your life, namely, being able to change yourself and adapt to change around you.

If you would like to learn more about the change process, I am presenting a Day Course on How To Embrace Change at the St George & Sutherland Community College on Saturday 15th June. Click below for further details:

Learn To Embrace Change – Day Workshop

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5 ways to better manage change

Whether change is something you are choosing for yourself or something that has been unceremoniously thrust upon you, you need to pro-actively manage it.

As we established in last week’s blog, change is hard and it doesn’t come natural to any of us really. If you want to move through change avoiding unnecessary stress and confusion, then you will benefit from understanding a few concepts about change and by arming yourself with a few tools. Being able to confidently navigate change in our lives is a practical and essential skill in being able to create new things for ourselves and our business. So the benefits will show up now and in the future.

Here’s 5 ways to better manage change:
1. Accept it’s a challenging time
We established in the last blog that change is challenging for all of us. So taking that a step further, you need to accept there’s nothing wrong with you. Everyone is challenged by change. So when you inevitably experience thoughts along the lines of “I’m not managing this very well, there’s something I’m not good at” etc. you can remind yourself of this truth. There is in fact nothing wrong with you. This is an adjustment phase and you are navigating it.

2. Simplify
If you are experiencing or creating major changes in your life and/or business, then you need to simplify things. This is one of the best techniques to apply, with immediate results. You look at everything that you have on your to-do list, goals and responsibilities and you decide which things you can delay (push your deadline back), delegate or delete altogether. You can’t do it all while navigating the change process, as this will only exacerbate the stress and overwhelm. Simplify by reducing responsibilities.

3. Allow more time
Most of us would prefer that we have a certain established amount of time and at the end of that time, the change process is complete. All nice and neat and predictable. Mostly we just want it to take as little as time as possible. I warn against giving into these thoughts as they completely oppose the process of change. You need to allow more time for this process that you would otherwise anticipate or expect for any challenge. Creating or accepting change takes time. And there is no way to speed this process up. Be patient with yourself and refer to the first point: There is nothing wrong with you.

4. Expect to fall off track
Change is not a straight line from one way of being to another. If you graphed it it’d probably be a zigzag. You cope and adjust to the new habit or situation quite well for a while, but then you “regress” back to the old way of doing or being. This is a normal part of the process. But often this is when we all feel like we’ve failed. This is just the beginning. You need to look at change as a series of getting on track and falling off… or if you prefer this analogy, getting back on your horse, time and time again. No one decides to change and does it in one action! You’ll go back and forth for some time between maintaining the change and then not. But if you keep getting back on track, then all you need is time. Over time it becomes a new habit.

5. Have your own back
Moving through change will require more time and energy from you. It can be unsettling, frustrating and tiring. On the flip side, when you do see progress, it will give you a boost of energy and hope. So you can see how it might be a bit of a roller coaster ride at times. It’s important to therefore have your own back. Work with yourself and not against yourself by becoming aware of any negative thoughts about your situation. Remind yourself that this is a process and will take time. Having your own back means supporting yourself as much as you would support a good friend in their time of need. Give yourself the things you need to rejuvenate your energy and write our any negative thoughts that come up.

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Why is change so hard?

If  change is a natural part of our lives then why is it sometimes so hard?
Anyone  who  has  set  and  attempted  to  achieve  goals  knows  all  about  this.  Anyone  who  has  tried  to  break  a  habit,  create  a  new  habit,  adjust  to  living  in  a  new  city  or  without  someone  you  love…  you know  the  challenges  of  change.  

I mean just think about the last time you moved house or changed jobs. Do you have fond memories of that experience? Or did it feel chaotic at best? The  nature  of  change  is  unsettling especially  when  it’s  on  our own  doorstep messing with our routine, our work or our  relationship!
It can feel like a big challenge!

So  why do we all find it so challenging?  

Here are  a few key reasons why most of us struggle with change:
Change  alters  our  world
Change  interrupts  how  we  normally  go  about  things  and  how  we  cope  with  things  in  the  world.  We’re kind  of  knocked  off  our  usual  track  and  it’s,  well,  bumpy. Instead of doing things the way we’ve always done them, we’re having to do it differently and our brains don’t like that. It takes us longer to do it and requires more cognitive effort. So change is making it literally challenging for our brains to adjust to the new way of doing things.

Change  affects  our  notion  of  who  we  are
Change  challenges  our  beliefs  and  our  closely  held  values. This is really the major shake-up for most of us after experiencing a loss of some sort. Whether it was a break-up or death of someone you love, such a big change really shifts our beliefs and values. When this happens, our  very  concept  of  who  we  are  is  called  into  question. 

Change  can  trigger  anxiety
Change  within  our  relationships  and  ties  with  others  is the most unsettling. When these close bonds are disrupted or torn apart, it causes most of  us  to  feel  anxious.  When the sense of attachment or belonging is threatened or lost, it will trigger anxiety in all of us humans because we all want acceptance and love. This need is primal and goes back to the way our brains are wired. So there’s no escaping this one- sorry!

Change  signifies  an  end
Change  is  a  shift  from  the  old  to  the  new.  It  is  both  a  beginning  and  an  end.Depending  on  the  nature  of  change,  this  can  cause  a  sense  of  loss.  If you’ve felt yourself pining for or reminiscing about the past… that’s all to do with dealing with an ending.  Of course the reality is, we can’t have a new beginning without an end. So an end can always be be viewed as an opportunity to begin again.