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5 ways to coach yourself

Coaching remains one of the fastest growing industries in Australia. The concept of working alongside a Coach to further your own – or business – development is becoming socially and culturally more accepted, to the point where we’re seeing many “spin-off” services emerge. Health Coach, Sales Coach, Money Coach. When you start to see these additional branches of an industry emerging in a market, you can be quite sure that the concept has truly taken up residence.

If you have already worked with a good qualified Coach, then you can understand why we are embracing this practice more and more. There are numerous benefits, apart from the obvious one of improved performance. Self-awareness, managing the change process within yourself(and your business), overcoming limiting beliefs and learning new behaviours are all part of the package when you engage a qualified personal Coach. Working with a qualified Coach is always the best option for growth and support, but it is not the only option for everyone. Many of us are self-directed learners with a good sense of self and can, to a certain extent, learn to coach ourselves.

Here I will share with you my Top 5 Ways to coach yourself. Some of the concepts will be easier for you to use than others and all of them require a certain amount of practice and repetition to gain the real benefits. But I guarantee that the increased self-awareness and the resulting progress you make will be incredibly rewarding. I recommend that you start with just 1 or 2 of these practices at most. Practice/engage in them for a month before trying the other suggestions.

  1. Ask quality questions
    Our brains are designed to find answers. If you ask yourself a good question, your brain can’t help but try to find the answer, it’s the way it’s wired.  While, many of us look at our problems and ask questions, they are not always helpful questions. Why did this happen? This is not a helpful question. How can we prevent this from happening again? What is the ideal outcome in this situation? How can I make it better?These are more helpful questions. They focus on the future and they open up new ideas and opportunities.

    2. Become aware of your stories
    We can only go as far as our stories will let us. Our stories are the narratives that we’ve told ourselves about our life situations, our achievements, choices and results. Our minds naturally create stories to make sense of the world around us and we’ve been doing this mostly unconsciously since we were born. So all of those experiences you’ve had in early life are shaping the way you interact with the world, based on a story you have about the world and yourself. An example of a story could be: Money is great if you have it, but you have to work hard for it. It requires sacrifice.ORI can stick to a new habit for a few weeks but then I just give up. I’m not good at sticking to things.Becoming aware of the stories that you have is important because they influence what you think is possible for yourself. Do your current stories still serve you or are they limiting you? As we develop and grow over time, we naturally outgrow our stories and need to update them. If you’ve ever gone through some major changes in your life, you will understand that what you used to believe about something has completely changed. This is a significant shift in your story.

    3. Encourage yourself (like you would your best friend)
    We’re all quite good at supporting our close friends in their endeavours but are often more critical of ourselves. Ask yourself: What would I tell my friend in this situation? If you imagine having a conversation with your friend and them presenting the situation that you are actually in, how would you react? This exercise is to help you to become more compassionate towards yourself and to see things from an outsider’s perspective. Encourage yourself like you would your friend and see what a difference that makes.

    4. Reframe
    All of the events of our lives are interpreted by the thoughts we have about those events. All events are neutral, until we apply our thoughts, opinions, calculations and judgements to them. So it is therefore possible that there are multiple ways of thinking about the same event. With this in mind, ask yourself:  What other angle can you look at a problem or situation from? What different perspective can you find? This is called reframing. You essentially create a new way of looking.

    5. Understand the change process
    All of us experience change as it is a natural part of the human experience. Some changes are bigger than others and can affect your whole sense of self and your perception of the world. Other changes are smaller and almost unnoticeable. A lot of the work I do as a Coach is in helping people to navigate the change process. Most of us don’t fully understand that it is an actual process and not a switch or single decision that creates change. Understanding that change takes time, persistence and a plan to keep you on track is essential. As human beings, our brains naturally resist change, which is why habits are hard to make and break. Ensure that you’re on board for the long term and learn to embrace change as a process that you walk through over time. With the right tools and support and a realistic time frame, you can create any positive changes that you wish to create for yourself or your business.

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Forget pro’s and con’s, create your own decision system!

How do you make the important decisions in your life and your business? 

If you don’t have a specific way of weighing up options, I suggest you consider developing a personal decision system. I’m talking about the bigger decisions here, the decisions that we know will change the trajectory of our life quite significantly. Much time and energy can be spent weighing up options, or procrastinating making a significant decision. This is because we don’t have a specific process to help us to make a big decision.

Traditional approaches to making important decisions have often involved weighing up options by sorting the pro’s and con’s of each option. I’m not a fan of this. It makes it more confusing and assumes equal weight for each pro and con, and frankly, that is rarely the case. Some things are more important than others. This is the fundamental base of our values system. Some options will actually make us more fulfilled(as they align with our values) and as such should not weighed as an equal to other options. 

Let’s look at an example: If we are weighing up whether to take on a new work role that will mean less time with our partner or family. If we use the pro’s and con’s method, in the pro’s column we would have things like:
More income
Excellent learning opportunities

In the con’s we might have:
Less time with partner/family
Longer commute

We are treating all of the pro’s and con’s as being equal. You may be able to come up with many pro’s and con’s, but the reality is that not all of them are equally important to you. If one of your core values is love/connection, then treating the“less time with partner/family” as an equal factor to all the others is not accurate. 

What aligns with your values will always weigh more, will always be more important to you. 

So, how do we weigh decisions without talking pro’s and con’s?

I suggest you develop your own decision making system.

It’s a system that you design and use for all of the bigger decisions you need make. Having a system will not only make the process more efficient and less arduous, but it will help you assess the outcomes based on your own unique priorities and values. A personal decision system makes sense, as only you truly understand what you are willing to tolerate and ultimately what will be fulfilling in the longer term for you.

To get you started on creating your own decision system, try one or incorporate a few of the following approaches:

Use a series of questions
You can run decisions through a series of unique questions to help you weigh up options. These should be unique to you, so take some time to reflect on what you really need to assess with decisions. Questions can help you understand the impact of the decision in the short and long term. Some examples of questions you could include:
How will this option affect my life in the next 6 months/5 years?
Who will be impacted by this option?
What will change in my daily schedule?
Would I need to drop something to take this on?

Check it against your values
As I mentioned before, some things are more important to us than others. Everyone has their own unique value system. It’s important to understand your own. Knowing your core values means that you can hold your options up to the values and see if they align. If financial stability is a value of yours, then your decisions can be assessed on whether they impact your financial stability. It does not matter how many benefits an option has, if it will be detrimental to your financial stability, it’s probably not good for you. (Discover your values by reading my blog here.)

Seek professional advice
There are some decisions that do warrant a professional opinion. Some financial and business decisions will benefit from having input from a professional in their field. You still need to understand your own priorities, but it’s wise to incorporate a professional opinion, particularly in regards to areas where you do not have specialised knowledge. eg. getting your accountants advice for a business financial decision.


Visualise the best outcome for each option
If you’re deciding between a few options, it can be useful to imagine what each optimal outcome would be. You can do this by taking each option and imagining the best possible outcome for you if you took that specific option. The trick is to do it for all of the options you’re weighing up. This way you’re comparing apples to apples- best case scenarios to best case scenarios. This helps you to get a sense of if it“feels right” and will help you realise which of the best outcomes would be more fulfilling for you.

Use your intuition
Whether you call it intuition, a hunch or a gut feeling, they’re all the same. You are using another sense(or all of your experience and wisdom) to make the decision. There is no rationalising with this type of decision, you rely on an instinct, a knowing feeling. Some of us are more in touch with this tool than others. If you’ve used your intuition in the past and it’s served you well, then consider incorporating it for all of your major decisions.

Get persective
It’s hard to see the forest for the trees, as they say. As such, it’s hard to make a decision when you remain in the context of your everyday routine, in the thick of where the decision is. It works to get an outside perspective. It doesn’t take much. I find a day trip out of my city alone can do wonders for perspective. It allows you to on the outside looking in at your current situation. Some people can achieve this by being in nature, or going for a long walk. The key is to relax and free up space in your mind, which enables you to think more clearly.

So, which of these options will you incorporate into your decision-making system?

Would love to hear your thoughts!

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Not sure if you’re ready to hire staff?

Whether you have staff already or are considering your very first hire, the decision to onboard new staff requires careful consideration. You need to be absolutely certain that the the real need is indeed for another staff member. There are many other things that feel like you need more help, but if you look closer, you’ll find other solutions. For example, oftentimes clients say that they feel really busy and can’t keep up. Their first thought is for more people. But feeling busy, even really busy, is not always a genuine need for more staff. 

That’s why I’ve put together these 8 questions to ask yourself before hiring a new staff member. They will help you clarify your needs for your business and indicate if you are in fact ready to onboard new people.

  1. Have you systemised your work processes?Are the major processes in your business systemised? Or are you dealing with each task as it comes up? If you have no systems in place, you’re far from operating at your maximum efficiency. This is not the time for you to hire. This is time for you to get systemising.
  2. Are you managing your calendar?If you don’t have your calendar and appointments under control, then do that first. If you can better manage your time, you may find that there is in fact not so big a need for you to hire. Ensure your week is planned in advance and that you have a system for booking and confirming appointments.
  3. What skills do you really need?It’s important to understand the skill deficit that you are trying to fill. Are they skills that you or your current team don’t have? Consider what the top 3 skills are that the new staff member should have. 
  4. Do you fully understand the costs involved?Apart from the obvious costs of wages and superannuation, hiring a new staff member also presents other costs. Firstly there’s  the initial cost of acquiring the new staff member. Then there’s the time you or your team will spend training/onboarding them and the time it will take to get them“up to speed”. Other costs might include equipment they require, additional software user costs, increases to your insurance premiums etc. Itemise all the costs you anticipate you will incur in setting up a new staff member.
  5. Do you know your employer obligations?There are legal requirements you must meet when you employ staff. Do you understand what you as an employer are required to do by law? There are requirements for record keeping of salary and wages as well as workers compensation. Are you familiar with the different types of employment- casual, part-time and full-time and what impact each has? You should visit the business.gov website for all requirements:https://www.business.gov.au/people/hiring/taking-on-an-employee-checklist
  6. Are you willing to make time to nurture staff and their role?You may be thinking you need more help and someone to take a load off, but acquiring staff always creates a certain amount of work as well. The hiring process is only just the beginning. Taking on staff requires a certain level of commitment and time from you to nurture them and their role to really get the most out of them. Do you really want to do that?
  7. Could you outsource instead?If the commitment to nurturing staff is not for you, or you want to avoid the employer obligations, then consider outsourcing. Could you outsource the skills you need rather than taking on an employee? Outsourcing may seem more expensive at first, but you will save on the time on other things such as not needing to spend time managing staff.
  8. Have you established your business vision and values?These two things alone are essential for employees to perform at their best.  Having a clear vision and articulated values also helps you better understand the skills you really need from a new staff member. Vision helps you understand the direction and priorities. The values help you decide what type of person will fit in your business. Being able to communicate both the vision and values to your potential employees also helps them better understand what you’re about. They can then match it to their own value system. This way it’s more likely you’ll find a good fit for the role you need to fill.

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Where your focus should be for best results

Vision is important. Having the big picture in mind for your business or project is essential. But here’s the caveat: Once you have the big picture, you must break it down into small, manageable pieces.

 Do you have a step by step outline to achieve your big goals?

I ask this because one of the main causes of overwhelm and stress with any project lies in looking at the big picture for far too long. It seems that we like to dwell more on the expected outcome, the end result. We often want to get to that place as fast as we can. But working on a large project or big goal requires another skill set altogether. 

You must step away from the big picture, or adjust your focus so-to-speak. Blur the bigger picture and focus on the step you’re taking right now.

Breaking your project or goal into smaller pieces and working on one piece at a time is how you can actually accomplish big things. It’s in managing the little things, one step at a time, that a power is unleashed. Procrastination and stress are reduced and a whole lot of benefits await you if you can just focus on the one step you are taking right now:

Reduced stress and overwhelm
Imagine standing at the bottom of a mountain and looking at the summit. You’re going to climb the mountain. Do you keep looking at the summit as you climb all the way up? No, of course not. When you look at the summit it’s overwhelming. The scale of the journey is too big for your brain to manage. It will instinctually resist, get stressed and start telling you how hard it is, if not totally impossible. This is why small steps are so important. It makes it more manageable, more consumable for our brains. Consequently it reduces stress and overwhelm about the big climb that is your project or goal. 

Feeling more engaged with the project or goal
If you’re keeping your eye on the end result as you work on your big goal you’re going to be more attached to the end result. The end result is important, but it comes… at the end. While you’re in the middle, be in the middle. This is how engagement is increased. Staying with the step you’re working on increases your concentration and connection to what you’re working on. Feelings of engagement are generated when you stop treating the thing you’re working on as a means to an end, to get to the result. Try it, you will enjoy it. Trust me.

Feeling more in control of large goals and projects
Large goals and projects are exciting… until they’re not. Until you feel overwhelmed, out of control and spiral into an attitude of reluctance. It’s so big you feel like you have no control. That’s why breaking it all down into bite-sized pieces is essential. This is the only way to accomplish big goals. If you thought those people who are achieving big goals were just doing bigger things, then you’re wrong. Quite the opposite thing is happening. If anyone is achieving big goals it’s because they’ve mastered breaking it down into small pieces to keep them feeling in control. Bottomline: the more you feel in control, the more motivated you are to keep going.

Increased quality of work
When you focus on the step you’re taking right now, more care and attention will flow into what you’re working on. The result is a significant increase in the quality of your work. And increased quality also contributes to some of the enjoyment- see the next benefit…

More enjoyable process
An increase in the quality of your output is certainly satisfying. In addition to this and perhaps more significantly, is the enjoyment created in the focused doing. Allowing yourself to focus on one thing brings you into the present moment and helps you move into “flow”. Whether you call it flow, being in the zone or just presence- it’s all the same. When you are fully present with what you’re doing, the process automatically becomes joyful.

Prevents burnout
One of the major causes of burnout is in trying to things all at once. This is what can happen when working on a goal or project without breaking it down into the small steps. In fact, having no plan at all is what usually contributes to burnout because there’s a big effort put on many things all at once with no sequence or defined paramenters. It’s difficult to a) maintain this momentous effort and b) recognise any real progress. Focusing on one step at a time gives you one thing to put your energy into with a clear result or stepping stone being accomplished at the end. You will feel the progress.

It’s more trackable in smaller pieces
As I just mentioned, the small pieces become stepping stones. If the whole goal is broken down into 5 stepping stones, then you know after accomplishing 2 of those then you’re almost half way. This is great for tracking progress, resources and managing your time. When you can track it, you can anticipate all of these things much easier.

Eliminate resistance
A wonderful thing happens when you focus on one step at a time. Your brain relaxes a little. It can see that it can manage the task because it’s a small task and only one single task it has to deal with. The effect of this cannot be underestimated. The resistance you naturally experience when working on a big project or goal- all that procrastination- is overcome just by staying with the one smaller task at a time. When your brain has no resistance, you can easily start working. So it’s goodbye procrastination and hello efficiency. I say yes to that!

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How to prevent decision fatigue

Decision fatigue. It causes us to make unhelpful or irrational decisions. The consequences in your business can be procrastination and not creating the outcomes you want. In your life, the consequences are procrastination and not creating the outcomes you want. Yes, the same result. 

Decision fatigue will cause you to take the easy road or to procrastinate. And for those of us who have been on the personal development path for many years, you know how big a challenge it can be to overcome these two tendencies!

So, what is decision fatigue and how can we avoid it?

Decision fatigue is the deteriorating quality of decisions made by an individual after a long session of decision making. Given that we all make on average 35,000 decisions every day, you could say that towards the end of most days, we all have decision fatigue! It is at these moments that we decide not to go to the gym, to eat dessert, or simply to not do what we promised we would.

Sounds like it might create a few problems, right?

Yes. If you are creating new habits or banishing bad ones, then this is the crux of your challenge. Will power is a limited resource, so you need to rewire your decisions.

Here are 8 tips to prevent decision fatigue:

1. Cut out unnecessary decisions
You may already be familiar with the fact that Steve Jobs always wore the same thing to work each day. This was a conscious choice on his part to avoid making the decision of what to wear each morning. Sounds simple, but makes a big difference. You too can apply this approach to things in your life. Decide on things just once and then don’t make that decision again. Maybe having the same smoothie for breakfast or the same lunch. It eliminates one decision so you drop it from your mind knowing it’s already been decided.

2. Put the most important decisions and or tasks at beginning of the day
If our decisions are better at the beginning of the day, then you need to move the most important decisions and projects to your first priorities in the morning. Here is where the argument for avoiding email first thing is validated! All those decisions spent on correspondence and filing emails could be better spent on the decisions and tasks that will really generate your results.

3. Don’t delay decisions, schedule them if you have to
Never delaying a decision means what? It means you will free up so much space in your brain that is currently filled with the“might do that”,“will I or won’t I” and“must decide on that”. Having undecided things in our heads not only takes up a lot of space but adds to the decision fatigue. We have unnecessary“noise” in the background of our minds when we run back and forth over a decision. And each time we think of it, we’re increasing our decision fatigue. Don’t delay decisions. Make them once and drop them. If it’s really a big decision and you require time to think it through thoroughly, allocate specific time to weigh things up and make sure you set a deadline.

4. Schedule decision-making time
As I mentioned above, bigger decisions can require more time. Rather than let them loose while you go about your working week, schedule a specific time on your calendar to literally go through the decision-making process and make the final decision. This way you know you have time allocated to deal with it and will not have it floating around in your head.

5. Have a process for making decisions
So naturally what followsall this, is in scheduling decision time, you will want to run a big decision through a type of system. This is an efficient and effective way to manage the larger decisions we have to make from time to time. This will vary from person to person, but generally you should ensure you are aware of your core values(for a personal decision) and the company values(for a business decision. You can set a questionnaire, talk it through with your mentor/guru or take time out in nature- the process is up to you!

6. Drop some decisions altogether
Yes, you can drop a decision completely. You can do this by delegating or deleting. You may be able to delegate certain decisions that ultimately can be handled by your team/ partner. You can delete decisions that are no longer relevant or important to you. 

7. Reframe the right/wrong approach
Somehow we have all been led to believe that decisions are either right or wrong. It’s all a matter of perspective. Whatever the outcome of your decision, the actual outcome is neutral. It is only what we think about the outcome that ultimately classifies it as “good” or “bad”. This is not an avoidance of accountability. This is accepting that a choice will create an outcome and there is no right or wrong outcome. There is just an outcome. Don’t agonise over a decision. There is not just one path to your destination, there are many, and you can get there with different decisions.

8. Leave it alone
Once you have made a decision about something, leave it alone. Don’t go back over it again second-guessing yourself. This is surely how most of us are creating the decision fatigue. We um and ah and say to ourselves “oh, I don’t know.” But, if you did know, what would it be? Don’t let yourself float in that cloud of so-called confusion which is actually self-created. Make the decision and have your own back. What’s the worst that can happen? You make a detour. It doesn’t work, you try something else. But make the decision once and follow through without second-guessing yourself first.