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Should you believe all of your thoughts?

So, I thought I’d pose an important and interesting question to you today.

Should you believe all of your thoughts?

What do you think?
Do you think you should 100% believe every thought that pops into your mind? What about the conclusions you have about a long term friend or that person you just met?

You see our thoughts are actually not facts.

Most often our thoughts are an opinion or an interpretation. Many of them are habits. Yes, we often think the same thoughts and have the same conclusions. And guess what? They are still not facts, no matter how often you’ve thought them. But that’s just it, isn’t it?

Thoughts that we have had on a regular basis over the course of our life are often accepted as facts. We think what we think is the truth. 

But, it’s not.

Thoughts are not facts.

This is not a bad thing. I am not saying that we are all liars or are completely deluded. But I am saying that you need to be aware of what you’re thinking and ask for evidence on a regular basis.

Let’s look at an example of how our thoughts are really an interpretation of a situation:
Fact: My boss has not openly praised my work in a long time.
Thought: “My boss doesn’t value me”.
There could be many reasons why your boss has not openly praised you in a long time, and most of them have nothing to do with you. Think about it.
Your boss is busy, self-absorbed, going through a rough time, not good at praising others, is distracted, is stressed… 

The point is, there are many interpretations of the facts, but our minds usually create one and stick with it. It’s not a fact, it’s a story or an interpretation.

If you have a thought that is creating negativity for you or keeping you feeling “stuck”, try asking for some evidence:
“What evidence is there for this thought?”
And secondly, “does this thought serve me?”

These questions will open up the possibility of other interpretations. They will create space around what could be an assumption, a long-standing story you’ve been telling yourself.

Try it. See what happens.

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3 things influencing your thinking right now

  • 3 things that are influencing your thinking right now.

If there is one thing that this pandemic world has taught us, it is the value of our mental health. For many of us it is the first time that we are experiencing a sense of uncertainty, disruption and confusion on such a large scale and across multiple facets of our lives. With such disruption we are all more vulnerable to experiencing stress and mental health challenges. Today I’d like to share with you the 3 things that are influencing your thinking right now.

The act of creating awareness of what is influencing your thoughts right now is so important. The thoughts we keep thinking are creating our emotions and our experience of the current circumstances.
This is not about thinking positive thoughts and ignoring the bad things happening. 

This is about creating awareness that in turn creates space for choice.

You can choose what you feed your mind and what you focus on. You can make changes when you’re aware of what isn’t helping you.

Let’s get started!

Likely the biggest influence on your thinking at the moment is the media. News about the pandemic, social media and all those statistical updates are beating down the door all day long. We are particularly vulnerable at the moment because we are hoping for a breakthrough and also fearing the worst. This means we check the news more often because we hope to hear good news and we hope we don’t hear worse news. We’re in flight or flight mode and our survival instincts are kicking in.

The impact: Media exacerbates fear and uncertainty. If we are hoping for a positive change, we feel the disappointment each time the news does not deliver it. You can also feel overwhelmed with the scale of influence of this pandemic in conjunction with other world events.

What to do: Limit your intake of news from all sources (including social media) to a set time each day. Perhaps 10 minutes in the morning and night. The key here is to create boundaries. It’s easy to keep checking all day for updates but doing that is incredibly unhelpful and often damaging to our mental health. 

The next big influence on your thinking right now is physical detachment. Many of us are working from home or are in different work circumstances. Our normal hobbies may be interrupted and certainly travel has been restricted. The number of people you see and interact with in-person on a daily basis is significantly reduced. The networks we all felt a part of at work and in our after work activities have dissolved or are disrupted.

The impact: Many of us are feeling isolated and some of us are experiencing loneliness. Our support networks are disrupted which increases these feelings of isolation. If you live with your partner/family, they have assumed the role of friend, colleague, partner, confidant. If you live alone you may feel increased feelings of isolation and a sense of having to face it all on your own.

What to do: As many of our interactions have fallen away due to isolation, you need to have a plan to create interactions. It doesn’t have to be complex at all. Set yourself a minimum social contact goal to chat to at least 2 friends or family members each week. Make one of those interactions via video or phone as this will generate more feelings of connection. Who can you safely meet in person? Schedule a walk/ coffee chat/ brunch with a friend while being mindful of social distancing. 

The third influence on your thinking right now is what I like to call change fallout. Change – even small change- has a big impact on us as human beings. Therefore large scale change has a huge impact. Even if you’re not feeling it on the surface and you are able to generally manage your days, you are still being affected (so be mindful). 

The impact: Change is tiring, perhaps exhausting at times. You can feel emotions ranging from a little nervousness and anxiety through to feeling completely lost. You may not feel like yourself. You might feel like something is wrong. And because of this your thinking can spiral into some negative self talk such as “I should be managing it better” or “what’s wrong with me?”

What to do: When your physical and/or mental energy is reduced, do less. Simplify, simplify, simplify. When you have energy then you can resume your to-do list. This may fluctuate as the weeks roll on and that’s okay. Have a self-care plan. You must be doing at least 2-3 activities each week that will bring you rest, calm/peace of mind. This is different for everyone but some examples include: exercise, relaxing with a book/Netflix, creating special rituals that help you stay grounded, meditation, time with nature/pets. Implement self care practices for the long term, not just for the times when you feel that you need it.

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5 tips for managing change better

So much change in so little time. Surely this is the tagline for 2020? By now we’ve all been weather beaten into submission with all the constantly moving parts. No longer fighting against the tide of change (at least I hope you’re still not doing that) we’re now in some form of acceptance that things will continue to change and be a little crazy for at least the rest of the  year and likely next.

And herein lies the challenge: more change ahead. So how do we even navigate the next 6 months (which will feel like 8 months)? We need to learn to manage change. Whether change is something you are choosing for yourself or something that has been unceremoniously thrust upon you, you need to pro-actively manage it.

Change is hard and it doesn’t come natural to any of us. Our brains are wired to resist it. Without proactive management frequent change on a large scale can create much stress, anxiety and feelings of being out of control.

So let me share with you 5 ways that you can better manage change over the coming months:

  1. Accept it’s a challenging time

We are currently experiencing change and disruption to our routines and way of life on a huge scale. It’s a difficult time for everyone. When it’s a difficult time, things feel harder. It’s tiring. You may feel stressed. You may oscilate between feeling engaged and then wanting to retreat from the world. That is to be expected because it’s a challenging time. Change requires adjustment and takes time. Accept it is difficult and believe that you are navigating it as best you can.

  1. Simplify

This is one of the best techniques to apply, with immediate results. When COVID-19 hit I did exactly this and it helped a lot! Look at everything that you have on your to-do list including your goals and general responsibilities (personal admin, housework etc.). Decide which things you can delay (push your deadline back), delegate or delete altogether. Trying do it all while navigating the change process will only exacerbate the stress and overwhelm. Simplify by reducing your responsibilities in your work and personal life.

  1. Allow more time for the adjustment to occur

Most of us would prefer that we have a certain established amount of time and at the end of that time, the change process is complete, such as having an end date for this pandemic. We all want it to be nice, neat and predictable. Mostly we just want it to take as little as time as possible. But there is no way to speed this process up unfortunately. When you focus on the end result you want and resist your present circumstances it causes you stress.  You are resisting what is and wanting it to be different(you are“arguing with reality” as Byron Katie says). Ask yourself: Can you accept that it will take a long time? How can you shift your focus to the present moment?

  1. Expect it to be messy

Change is not a straight line from one way of being to another. If you graphed it it’d probably be a zigzag. You may cope and adjust to a new situation well for a while, but then you seem to“regress” back to the old way of thinking and being. This is a normal part of the process. But often this is when we all feel like we’ve failed or that something is wrong with us. I assure you that it is normal to be feeling up and down as you adjust to change.

  1. Have your own back. 

Moving through change will require more time and energy from you. It can be unsettling, frustrating and tiring. It’s important to therefore have your own back. Work with yourself and not against yourself. You can do this in a number of ways: 1. By becoming aware of any negative thoughts about your situation. Remind yourself that this is a process and will take time. 2. Support yourself as you would support a good friend in their time of need. Cut yourself some slack, reassure yourself that you are doing your best. 3. Engage in self care activities. Give yourself the things you need to rejuvenate your energy (exercise, sleep, yoga, good food, water, a day trip etc).

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Beware the pathway to burnout (you may be on it)

Right now the conditions are ripe for burnout. There is plenty of uncertainty within organisations and businesses. Many people – and perhaps yourself too – are unconsciously working harder or longer. This is partly because we all don’t want to fail, lose a business, a position, get fired. In addition to this, our normal patterns of recreation and travel are disrupted which seems to be leading many of us towards just not going anywhere and more significantly, not taking a break at all.

It’s not sustainable.

I can see it already in the faces and actions of people. Sometimes it’s a stern kind of determined look of powering through until it’s all over and we can go back to“normal”. Sometimes it’s a weary sigh saddled with abject apathy and the resignation, “well I can’t go anywhere so I might as well work”.

And I can see how we’ve each ended up in these situations, with these approaches to what is a very confusing time. Our normal work patterns are disrupted and we’re mostly working from home. There goes major boundary number one. Work and home are now operating on the same turf. Even if you have plenty of space, there’s something about living and working in the same place for most of the week that blurs the lines between work and home. Even if you’re like me and you can switch off the laptop when it’s time, I find myself still having many more work conversations at home.

But for many others it’s even more intrusive. The long task list and projects have essentially“moved in”  and there seems no way to get rid of them. Except, of course, to finish them. Right? So off you go peddling all day and all night to “just finish this last bit so I can relax”. This is based on the idea of salvation at the end of a project. It can also pop up in any goal setting scenario you find yourself in. I don’t judge this approach at all, after all I did it myself for a very long time. 

What I want to point out is that this practice insists that you delay your“reward” until the race is over and in the current circumstances this is now more dangerous than ever.

You will burn out.

And it’s often hardest for people like you to hear this. You are likely very accomplished at what you do. Maybe you’re a business owner, a leader, certainly someone who likes to get things done and to achieve things. These wonderful traits also make it harder for you to listen up when someone talks about burnout because you kind of think it doesn’t apply to you.  Not in an arrogant way. You’ve just always been highly productive, so what’s wrong with that. Nothing, of course.
 
But I bring your attention to the current context we all find ourselves in. It’s the fact that most aspects of our lives are disrupted at the moment. The disruption and uncertainty impacts you more than you think it does.  When multiple facets of our lives are moving parts, it creates stress on some level. Just because you have not directly been impacted by the virus by actually catching it, does not mean you have not been affected by COVID-19. But there seems to be a lot of people pretending that they’re not affected… or perhaps they are just unaware.

It’s sneaky, you see. When you can manage the changes on a surface level, you keep functioning. So you assume that you’re okay. But realistically we’re all stressed. We all need some time out and yes, even a getaway (within the current travel restrictions). So when are you booking your break?

For more info on burnout, check out these resources:

https://www.mindtools.com/pages/article/avoiding-burnout.htm

https://www.workplacestrategiesformentalhealth.com/managing-workplace-issues/burnout-response

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6 signs that you will benefit from working with a coach

Not sure if you might benefit from working with a coach? Today I share some common situations that professionals and small business owners are finding themselves in right now. If you relate to these scenarios, you might want to consider hiring a coach.

  1. You feel overwhelmed or stressed
    The main causes of overwhelm and stress relate to how you manage your mind and how you manage your time. Of course at the moment, you also have the global pandemic, which is adding to stress levels for many people. Your coach can help you develop specific strategies to address stress and work with you on managing your mindset to reduce overwhelm and stress.
  1. You feel stuck
    Things have ground to a halt in recent months and you can’t seem to feel confident about the future let alone make decisions. In times of uncertainty it’s normal to feel thrown off-track. Your coach can help you navigate the way forward in small steps to get you moving again.
  1. You don’t have a written vision, goals and a plan
    You need the big picture for your future defined in a vision as well as a written set of goals with a specific plan to achieve them. Regardless of any uncertainty around you, your coach can work with you and provide resources that assist you in this process.
  1. You’re so busy and don’t see an end in sight
    If you feel like you have no time, then you should definitely seek help. Your coach has an “outside” perspective which can help you see your way through this. Together you can implement a time management plan to get on top of things once again.
  1. You want reliable and objective support or feedback and someone to keep you on track
    It’s SO much easier having someone to talk to about your business or career. Imagine if you had someone whose job it is is to listen and support you, someone who will help you keep on track and be the sounding board you need. This is what your coach can do for you.
  1. You haven’t defined your values or understand your purpose
    If you don’t know why you’re doing what you’re doing, you can end up with motivational challenges the moment you hit a bump in the road. Additionally you need to understand your personal values and confidently know that they align with your business and professional goals. This ensures that you’re creating what will be truly fulfilling for you. Your coach can help you define your values and keep you focused on your purpose.

    If you think you may want to try working with a Certified Coach, sign up to my FREE Coaching Introductory Session.

    A Coaching Introductory Session is a 1 hour one on one meeting to discuss your business and life concerns. It’s an opportunity to experience what it’s like to be coached and if you would benefit from coaching. Register here.