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Creating easy solutions

One of the main things I work on with my clients is finding solutions. In fact, you could argue that the whole coaching process is about finding and creating solutions that enable my clients to move forward or create positive change.

So essentially I spend a lot of time helping people find and/or create solutions. Whether it’s for a business, your work role, home life, for a habit, your mindset… the process is the same. And contrary to our (limiting) beliefs, it does not need to be difficult!

Finding or creating easy solutions requires just two things of you:

  1. Asking yourself quality questions, and
  2. Being willing to try a solution

That’s it.

Yet many of us get stuck and stagnate. Firstly, we assume that the answer is out there somewhere (mistake no. 1) and then we assume that the solution has to be the“forever solution” (mistake no. 2).

Let’s look at mistake no. 1, the answer is out there. The answer to you getting unstuck is actually within you! Yes, sounds cliched but it’s true. A good coach will know how to draw this out of you so-to-speak, so that you become aware of your strengths and the things that have worked for you in the past. This will be done through posing quality questions.

What’s a quality question you can use? Try… 
Was there a time when I did not have this issue, or a time when it was less troubling?
(What was I doing then?)
What would an ideal situation look like?
(How can I create that in small steps?)

Often we assume that a problem is all-consuming, but if you look hard enough, you will find “gaps” in your experience where the problem does not exist at all. 

Let’s look at mistake no. 2, the “forever” solution.
We’ve all been guilty of this, I’m sure. When we look for a solution, we search for the perfect solution that will apply in all contexts and be a long-term solution. While this approach can be useful in establishing what the long-term goal is, often we really need a “will make it work now” type of solution, rather than the forever type of solution.

How many solutions can you come up with? Make a list. Which one will you try first? Schedule a review after a period of time if the solution needs upgrading or not. A solution that makes something work now will create momentum (where there has been inertia) and can be a stepping stone to a more sophisticated long-term “forever” solution down the track.

So, remember:
Ask yourself quality questions.
Look for a short-term solution first and take action.

If you need help with this solution-finding process, reach out! I offer a complimentary Coaching Introduction Session, sign up here.

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3 sure signs that your work doesn’t match your values

What is your experience of your work?

Whether you have your own business or are an employee, this is an important question. We all have difficult days (sometimes weeks), but overall would you rate your working life as a positive and fulfilling experience? Or, are you holding on by the skin of your teeth, doing it for the money or convenience?

When your work feels stressful or difficult for a lot of the time, this can be an indication that you are working in a role or environment that is out of alignment with your personal values.

Our personal values are an intrinsic foundation to our experience of wellbeing and fulfillment. If you ignore these values, or are just unclear about them, then you can find yourself in situations that are ultimately unhealthy for you.

Here are 3 signs that your work may not be in alignment with your personal values:
1. You feel like you’re walking on eggshells
Are you feeling hyper vigilant? Are you on high alert to avoid making any mistakes or causing any problems? This is you walking on eggshells. This is not sustainable over the long term and creates a built-in systemic anxiety around your work. You can’t really relax into focused work. As you can imagine, this depletes your energy and enjoyment of your work.

2. Work drains your lifeforce
Are your activities outside of work changing or becoming less frequent? When your work is in conflict with your personal values, it takes a lot out of you physically and mentally. It will reduce your capacity to give in other areas of your life. You may do less outside of work or find you need more downtime and can’t handle certain activities or socialising. This is a sure sign that you are over-taxed in your work.

3. You aren’t being your true self at work
Most work environments require us to be a little bit more formal than what we’d be socially, but if you find that you need to repress other aspects of your personality at work, this could be a values clash. Do you disagree with the way certain things are done within the organisation? Do you disagree with the priorities?

If what is important to you needs to be completely set aside when you go to work, this is real values clash. 
It means that in order to function and be successful at work, you will need to ignore what is important to you. This is perhaps the situation that is most challenging and draining. If you find yourself in this situation, you must consider changing the situation either from within the organisation or leaving it altogether.

So, could you relate to one of the three situations? At some point in our careers and lives, we’ve all likely experienced one of these scenarios. It is actually an important part of the journey we are on. Learning to recognise when these situations are present will help you to better understand what is and isn’t working for you and to then use that information to guide you in an alternative direction that will ultimately be better for you.

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Pandemic Fatigue is real and most of us have it, so now what?

It’s now official, this lockdown in Greater Sydney will extend in its current format through to the end of September(at least). This is a long time for us all to be couped up in our own households and restricted from social interaction.
If you are really feeling it this time around, don’t worry, you’re not the only one.

Recently, Lucy Brogden, Chair of the National Mental Health Commission stated in an interview that what we are experiencing is “pandemic fatigue”. Yes, it is a real thing.

I hope you’re sighing with relief that you realise now that it’s not just you who has felt tired, low in energy, restless… But let’s have a look at all of the symptoms of Pandemic Fatigue, as well all experience it in different ways:

  • Tiredness
  • Frustration
  • Low in energy
  • Restlessness
  • Irritability
  • Hopelessness
  • Difficulty looking forward to tomorrow
  • Dread
  • Not wanting to be with others
  • Increased use of alcohol or other substances
  • Lack of enthusiasm for things you would normally enjoy

Have you experienced any of these feelings or behaviours recently?
I know I have. And I’m guessing you might have too. 

There is good news here, I promise.
Firstly, we can feel relieved that this is a common experience. It’s not just our own reaction or experience but a normal reaction to stressful circumstances after thinking that we were all on the better side of the pandemic, then being thrust into an extended lockdown. 

I was explaining it the other day, using a running analogy. Imagine that you are at the end of your 10km run and mentally you know you only have 1km left. You start to look towards the finish line and are mentally preparing to stop. Then suddenly someone slaps another 10km on your run. It impacts everything because mentally and physically you were preparing to stop, rest and be able to recover. But now you have to keep going and you are basically back at the start. For us in an extended lockdown it’s as if the run keeps extending and now we don’t have a specific end in sight. No wonder we’re tired!

The second good news in all this is that there’s a name to these feelings and behaviours that we’re experiencing. There is nothing wrong with us, with the way we’re reacting or dealing with this situation. It’s a group of feelings and behaviours called “Pandemic Fatigue” and it’s real.

Being able to name our experience does two great things:
1. It allows us to feel more distanced from it(the experience), so we don’t feel that it’s internalised and 
2. we can talk about it more easily with others. 
Win, win!

So now we know what our experience is: It’s a type of fatigue.So what do we do now?

  1. It’s important to acknowledge Pandemic Fatigue if we recognise some of those behaviours and feelings as our own experience recently, and
  2. It’s important to include specific activities that will help you to manage and overcome these feelings. The Mental Health Commission suggests the following in order to do this:
  • Identify & practice self-care strategies that work for you (as you know I can’t tell you often enough! Self-care is key :))
  • Exercise
  • Take a break (do things you’ve been putting off)
  • Follow facts (news) from trusted sources (and I would add limit your intake of this)
  • Reach out to those who may not have connections
  • Keep kids communicating – Let them know it’s okay to be worried and talk about it

I know that we are restricted in our activities, but you can do ALL of these activities while adhering to the lockdown restrictions. If you want further reading or information on self-care, check out these related posts: 
Coping tips, Coronavirus Pandemic panic
One year later, how are you managing the changes COVID made?
What I’m discussing with my clients right now

So, stay on your self-care routine (or get back on it if you’ve stopped) and consider implementing one or more of the suggested actions outlined above.

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Unhelpful questions

3 things that are influencing your thinking right now.

You have probably heard me – more than once – explain how important quality questions are. They truly have an incredible power to change our perspective, to help us find a way out or through. They help us to learn about ourselves. What is working, what’s not. What would I like to change. etc.

Quality questions are helpful. But there are other questions too that are rattling around in our minds.
Many of us are also asking unhelpful questions.

These types of questions serve no real good purpose. They often keep us in a worry pattern. They can erode our confidence and make us feel stuck.

So how do you recognise an unhelpful question that you’re asking yourself?
Firstly, an unhelpful question might look like any of the following:
Why do I always do that?
Why do I have to do this?
When will this thing be over?
Why can’t I make it work?
Why me?

As you would have noticed, there are a LOT of WHYs going on there. WHY is not usually helpful unless it is accompanied by genuine curiosity. And even then, it’s not always important to know WHY in order to be able to change something. In the examples above, the WHY is almost a chastisement of self. You can almost hear the complaining tone of each question, right?

And that’s one of the keys to recognising a quality question over an unhelpful one.

An unhelpful question is often emotionally charged with frustration, anger, hopelessness. It’s less of a quality question and more of an emotional outlet or pattern.

Also an unhelpful question does not help us think outside of our current thinking patterns.
Is the question opening up a new perspective? Is it helping you think about things differently?
If not, then it’s not that helpful.

And here’s the kicker: Often an unhelpful question is not designed to be answered at all!

A helpful question on the other hand, is more recognisable by it beginning with a “what”, “when” or “how”.Instead of: Why do I always do that? Ask: What could I do differently next time?

A helpful question also feels different. It is accompanied by genuine curiosity to learn or discover something. It is a feeling of being more open to other ideas, if there are other ideas. It feels less emotionally charged than an unhelpful question.

So, be on the lookout for these unhelpful questions, particularly in current times when we’re spending more time isolated from others. Recognise them when you have them and call them out. Acknowledge that it’s not a helpful question that you’re having. If you need to, try changing the question to a more helpful one.

We all have unhelpful questions from time to time. I hope this has post has been helpful for you today.

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One year later – how are you managing the changes COVID made?

It’s been over a year since our world turned topsy-turvy with the COVID-19 global pandemic.
Can you remember what life was like before that?

I must admit that there are some blurry areas I cannot quite recall. Like, how often did I see my friends and did I go out of the house more? Likely. There are for sure things I can clearly recall as being an important part of my life, like travel. But the smaller things are not so obvious.

In many ways we’ve assumed our new habits, our new ways of working and living. Consequently how we did things before has become irrelevant in many cases. But that doesn’t mean the impact of change has gone as well.
Change on such a large and far-reaching scale as we saw last year, leaves its mark. Not just in the things that altered but in us as people.

Having experienced one of the biggest shifts in our society only just last year, we must be cautious in expecting that we are all “over it now” or “on the other side of it”. Yes we have adjusted. Yes we have adapted to our new routines. But if you are still “processing” it on some level, that’s normal.

Perhaps emotionally you still don’t feel like your old self.
Maybe your stress levels are staying elevated.
Perhaps you don’t want to accept the way some things are right now.

This is when I remind you that:
Whether change is something you choose for yourself or something that has been unceremoniously thrust upon you, you need to pro-actively manage it.

Most of us are still processing the changes that happened last year, although not everyone is aware of this.
Adjusting to change is always a challenge but it can be easier when you apply a few trusted techniques, such as these I share with you now.

Here’s 4 ways to help you better manage change:
Accept it’s a challenging time
Change is challenging for all of us. If you feel that you’re still adjusting in some ways, you need to acknowledge that there’s nothing wrong with you. Everyone is challenged by change. Don’t slip into expecting that you “should” be over it all by now. This is still very much an adjustment phase and you are navigating it. Everyone needs their own time to adjust.

Simplify
This is one of the best techniques to apply, with immediate results. You look at everything that you have on your to-do list, goals and responsibilities and you decide which things you can delay(push your deadline back), delegate or delete altogether. Trying to push forward on full throttle while still navigating the change process will only exacerbate your stress and overwhelm. Simplify things by reducing your responsibilities.

Allow more time
Most of us would prefer that we have a certain established amount of time and at the end of that time, the change process is complete. All nice and neat and predictable. Mostly we just want it to take as little as time as possible. I warn against giving into these thoughts as they completely oppose the process of change. You need to allow more time for this process than you would otherwise anticipate or expect for any challenge.
Creating or accepting change takes time. And there is no way to speed this process up. Be patient with yourself and refer to the first point: There is nothing wrong with you.

Have your own back. 
Moving through change will require more time and energy from you. It can be unsettling, frustrating and tiring. It might be a bit of a rollercoaster ride at times. Therefore it’s crucial that you have your own back. Work with yourself and not against yourself by becoming aware of any negative thoughts about your situation. Remind yourself that this is a process and will take time. Be mindful of your self care and ways to restore your energy levels.
Having your own back means supporting yourself as much as you would support a good friend in their time of need. Be patient. Give yourself the things you need to rejuvenate your energy and write our any negative thoughts that come up.

I hope you will implement one of these techniques over the next week.
Which one will you choose?