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Creating peace of mind on the road to success

Do you crave a sense of peace, a sense of calm? 

I know that for many years all I wanted was peace of mind. I just wanted to be able to experience enjoyment in what I was doing and be at peace with where I was. But I couldn’t reconcile that with my drive to reach my goals, the drive to become more. Surely, I thought to myself, if I rested too long in this space of peace, I would simply become complacent. Then I would not have peace of mind or achieve my goals at all! 

But, what I was doing wasn’t really working that well. I was super focused on my goals, a bit too attached shall we say. I always felt that I couldn’t get comfortable or relax too much. I was constantly pushing myself and yes, there were some results, but nothing extraordinary. And, I just didn’t feel like I was able to just do me.

Can you relate?

It was as if there were two opposing forces at work. At least, that’s what it felt like to me. I would power on with my disciplined actions and goals, but this other part of me just really wanted a rest. It just wanted time to be, to relax, to allow things as they are.

I think this is a challenge that many of us face, particularly those of us inclined to take our own work out into the world and create a business. We experience that need to do more, create more but become aware at some point(perhaps acutely) of the need to not drive so hard.

It’s taken me many years and much study from various thought leaders, to get to a place of real understanding of this common situation that many of us find ourselves in. And contrary to my first initial thoughts, it is not actually two opposing forces at work!We do not need to choose peace or achievement. 

We just need to choose how we travel towards our goals and truly accept that how we travel is the only fulfillment we will get.

Much of the pushing to achieve goals can come from the expected result delivering unto us a sense of achievement. We expect that we will feel satisfied and allow ourselves then to relax, to believe that we are truly enough and therefore are allowed to enjoy the moment.

But, guess what happens when you achieve your goals?

You get excited for a bit and then you jump onto the next thing. Does that seem like long term fulfillment or peace of mind to you? No, because it’s not. The small fleeting moment you experience does not bring the peace of mind that you crave. So, the achievement of our goals does not ultimately bring long term peace of mind.

How we travel as we move towards fulfilling our goals is the only space where peace of mind can be created. 

You can’t arrive at the peace of mind after years of pushing.You must create the peace of mind as you take one step at a time on your big journey.

How can you enjoy the step you are on right now?
How can you enjoy what you’re working on today?
What could make this process more enjoyable?

These are the questions to start with in order to shift your thinking towards peace of mind. It’s not about resting, avoiding your goals, deleting your goals or anything your mind conjures up as being the opposite to your path of success. It is the path of success. It is being present with the step you are walking right now, learning to fully embody it and enjoy it. 

After all, you either will get to the achievement of your goal or you won’t. Most of your time is taken up in the journey to get there and the result will not actually make you feel much better for very long. So even from a logical perspective, cultivating the enjoyment of the journey makes sense.

Why not start today?

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5 ways to beat procrastination

So, do you procrastinate?
I must say, my own answer to this is a mixed one…You see there are plenty of things I have disciplined myself to do and there are a few things I realise I have been putting off. Like, clearing out the storage cupboard!

Of course depending on how important something is, we all delay or prioritise our tasks. But if you find that procrastination is getting in the way of your important work, then read on. These 5 tips are gold! I promise they will help!

There are many reasons why we procrastinate. Most of them are a variation on“I don’t feel like it”. When you’re meant to be spending the morning writing your report, you instead work on other, easier to action tasks. You delay writing the report. 

Your mind chatter goes something like this…
I don’t feel like it.
I have more urgent things to address.
It’s a big task, I don’t know where to start.
It’s going to take up too much time.
I don’t have time now.I can do it tomorrow.
Yes, tomorrow I have time.

Instant relief, you don’t have to do it today. You’ve convinced yourself that it’s not possible. You buy into your reasoning and allow yourself to relax now that that’s over, you can get on with other things.

But, the next day… the same thing happens again. 

Why?
The answer lies in the reasons we give for not doing the thing we should be doing. The excuses and stories we tell ourselves provide an insight into how we can overcome procrastination.

Let’s start with one of the reasons mentioned above:I have more urgent things to address.This implies that the task you are delaying is not important or that you can’t really see, at least at this moment, why you should be doing it over something else. Herein lies the first tip to beating procrastination:
1. Make sure you know your why
If you’re not clear on why you need/want to do the task you are putting off, then it’s easy to push it down the list of things to do. Understanding the reason why the task is important and the bigger picture around it, will help you to value the task more and be less likely to delay it. 
Example: Task: To go for a run
The WHY behind it: to feel good/ to be energised throughout the day/ to lose weight/ to get better so I can run the marathon etc.

Next, our reason to procrastinate was: It’s a big task
2. Reduce the commitment in your mind
Our minds will resist anything that it sees as a big task or challenge. It basically gets overwhelmed and we instinctively just want to walk away. Everyone has this built into their brains, so don’t worry, it’s not just you! 
So how do we avoid going into overwhelm?

Commit to just a bit, to get you started. The idea is you tell yourself you will just do 10 minutes and that’s enough to drop your defences. You relax a little and you get started. The trick is, once you start, you keep going to the end. I’ve used this innumerable times to get me to the gym and on the treadmill. I tell myself I only have to do 15 minutes today (and not think about 45 minutes at all). But once I’m at 15 minutes, I just do another 10 minutes and so on, until the original goal is achieved.
Example: Task: To write the report
Reduce the commitment: I will just do 1 page of the report/ I will just write for half an hour.

The next reason we have is: I don’t know where to start
3. Know exactly where to start
Good, this is easy. So what do we do? We plan in advance so you know exactly where to start! The first step needs to be made as clear and easy as possible.
Example: Task: Create a FB ad
Create the place to start: Write the process to create the ad in small actionable steps

The next reason: It’s going to take up too much time.In reality, maybe it will, maybe it won’t. The key here is:
4. Don’t do the whole thing
Not to be confused with tip #2, in this case you will not aim to finish the task.You will break the task into small pieces and you will do just one piece. The smaller the better. Break your task into 20 small pieces if you like! All you have to do is complete 1 of the small pieces.
Example:Task: Paint the house
Break it down, the small pieces could be: calculate how much paint you need, decide on the colour, buy the paint and materials, schedule days in your diary to paint 1 room at a time, prep the room etc.

The next reason is the most common reason. Somehow many of us buy into it as a valid reason:I don’t feel like it.
5. Accept that you will not feel like doing it
We use this reason to not do a task because we believe on some level that “feeling like doing” something is the way it’s supposed to be. We all assume that not feeling like doing something is a sign of some sort. We use it to justify that it’s not the right time, I don’t have the right mindset, I’m not ready… Here’s the deal: You are not going to feel like doing it most of the time! If you can accept that not feeling like doing it doesn’t mean anything at all (just a human resistance to doing anything different), then you can power through it! 

This is how success is created, how productivity is created, how champions are born.You do it, regardless of how you feel.
All successful people understand this principle. It’s what separates them from the pack. They are willing to do things when they don’t feel like it. Think about it. 

What would your life look like if you started to do all the things you don’t feel like doing?

Yes, I know, it’d be a lot different!
The choice is yours:)

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Are you creating your mind clutter?

Feeling a bit stressed or finding it hard to switch off? Then it’s time to for you to consider what you are feeding your mind on a regular basis. 

Living in this modern society with information and entertainment at our fingertips, many of us are consuming a steady stream of input all day and night long. News, social media, blogs, youtube, emails… it seems to never end. There is always a new news item, a social media update or email to respond to. This makes for a lot of content that is going into our minds!

I mean, what happens with all that stuff you put into your mind?
It stays there.
It shapes what you think and what you do.
It takes up space! 

With so much information and stimulation, it’s no wonder that many of us are feeling like our minds are a bit cluttered!

Having a cluttered mind can cause stress, an inability to think clearly, long-term anxiety and can impact your decision-making ability. Of course having a cluttered mind also means that you really limit your ability to create peace of mind for yourself. There’s simply too much going on in there! We all have a cluttered mind from time to time, but if you regularly experience these symptoms, you should consider doing an input audit.

An input audit will give you the hard facts about how you are contributing to your mind clutter.

Here’s how to do it:

  1. Designate a period of time you want to assess ( a week, a few days)
  2. Schedule time twice a day to write down what information or entertainment you have consumed and note the duration. eg. youtube videos 15 mins, email 20 mins etc
  3. At the end of the assessment period, add up all your consumption categories. You should have a total number of minutes/hours spent on emails, on reading/watching news, of time spent watching Netflix/tv.
  4. Ask yourself these questions:
    What am I consuming the most?(this becomes your top 3)
    What is the benefit of consuming these top 3?
    What is the disadvantage of consuming these top 3?
    What changes to my consumption habits would I like to make?

This simple 4-step process can create awareness of how you are contributing to your mind clutter. As always, it’s about the volume of what you consume as well as the quality of what you consume.
Becoming aware of how your actions are impacting your mind clutter is the first and very important step in decluttering your mind.

If you want to learn more about Decluttering Your Mind, join my FREE Workshop next Tuesday in the Sydney CBD. For further info and to register click here:

LUNCH & LEARN: DECLUTTER YOUR MIND

Tuesday, Sep 10, 2019, 12:30 PM

WeWork
161 Castlereagh St Sydney, NS

1 Members Attending

Having a cluttered mind can cause stress, an inability to think clearly, long-term anxiety and can impact your decision-making ability. Of course having a cluttered mind also means that you will limit your ability to create peace of mind for yourself. We all have a cluttered mind from time to time. Whether this is a temporary situation during busy …

Check out this Meetup →

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5 ways to coach yourself

Coaching remains one of the fastest growing industries in Australia. The concept of working alongside a Coach to further your own – or business – development is becoming socially and culturally more accepted, to the point where we’re seeing many “spin-off” services emerge. Health Coach, Sales Coach, Money Coach. When you start to see these additional branches of an industry emerging in a market, you can be quite sure that the concept has truly taken up residence.

If you have already worked with a good qualified Coach, then you can understand why we are embracing this practice more and more. There are numerous benefits, apart from the obvious one of improved performance. Self-awareness, managing the change process within yourself(and your business), overcoming limiting beliefs and learning new behaviours are all part of the package when you engage a qualified personal Coach. Working with a qualified Coach is always the best option for growth and support, but it is not the only option for everyone. Many of us are self-directed learners with a good sense of self and can, to a certain extent, learn to coach ourselves.

Here I will share with you my Top 5 Ways to coach yourself. Some of the concepts will be easier for you to use than others and all of them require a certain amount of practice and repetition to gain the real benefits. But I guarantee that the increased self-awareness and the resulting progress you make will be incredibly rewarding. I recommend that you start with just 1 or 2 of these practices at most. Practice/engage in them for a month before trying the other suggestions.

  1. Ask quality questions
    Our brains are designed to find answers. If you ask yourself a good question, your brain can’t help but try to find the answer, it’s the way it’s wired.  While, many of us look at our problems and ask questions, they are not always helpful questions. Why did this happen? This is not a helpful question. How can we prevent this from happening again? What is the ideal outcome in this situation? How can I make it better?These are more helpful questions. They focus on the future and they open up new ideas and opportunities.

    2. Become aware of your stories
    We can only go as far as our stories will let us. Our stories are the narratives that we’ve told ourselves about our life situations, our achievements, choices and results. Our minds naturally create stories to make sense of the world around us and we’ve been doing this mostly unconsciously since we were born. So all of those experiences you’ve had in early life are shaping the way you interact with the world, based on a story you have about the world and yourself. An example of a story could be: Money is great if you have it, but you have to work hard for it. It requires sacrifice.ORI can stick to a new habit for a few weeks but then I just give up. I’m not good at sticking to things.Becoming aware of the stories that you have is important because they influence what you think is possible for yourself. Do your current stories still serve you or are they limiting you? As we develop and grow over time, we naturally outgrow our stories and need to update them. If you’ve ever gone through some major changes in your life, you will understand that what you used to believe about something has completely changed. This is a significant shift in your story.

    3. Encourage yourself (like you would your best friend)
    We’re all quite good at supporting our close friends in their endeavours but are often more critical of ourselves. Ask yourself: What would I tell my friend in this situation? If you imagine having a conversation with your friend and them presenting the situation that you are actually in, how would you react? This exercise is to help you to become more compassionate towards yourself and to see things from an outsider’s perspective. Encourage yourself like you would your friend and see what a difference that makes.

    4. Reframe
    All of the events of our lives are interpreted by the thoughts we have about those events. All events are neutral, until we apply our thoughts, opinions, calculations and judgements to them. So it is therefore possible that there are multiple ways of thinking about the same event. With this in mind, ask yourself:  What other angle can you look at a problem or situation from? What different perspective can you find? This is called reframing. You essentially create a new way of looking.

    5. Understand the change process
    All of us experience change as it is a natural part of the human experience. Some changes are bigger than others and can affect your whole sense of self and your perception of the world. Other changes are smaller and almost unnoticeable. A lot of the work I do as a Coach is in helping people to navigate the change process. Most of us don’t fully understand that it is an actual process and not a switch or single decision that creates change. Understanding that change takes time, persistence and a plan to keep you on track is essential. As human beings, our brains naturally resist change, which is why habits are hard to make and break. Ensure that you’re on board for the long term and learn to embrace change as a process that you walk through over time. With the right tools and support and a realistic time frame, you can create any positive changes that you wish to create for yourself or your business.

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Should you be looking at the competition?

There’s a lot to be said about the benefits of competition on motivation. Many of us can truly find our fuel when faced with a competitor. After all, it is biological. The reward centres of our brain love a good win. But for long term goals and the trajectory of your business, is this really the best way for you to cultivate drive and motivation?

The stats say that more men respond with improved performance when faced with competition than women. It does not seem to affect the performance of women as much. Gender aside though, I think there is another factor at work here and it all has to do with whether we are extrinsically or intrinsically motivated. 

Here are the definitions:Intrinsically motivated= You do an activity because it’s internally rewarding. Extrinsically motivated= You do an activity to get an external reward.

Now, let’s also look at this in the context of goal setting for further clarification:
Intrinsically motivated= Goals come from within and the outcomes satisfy your basic psychological needs for autonomy, competence, and relatedness.
Extrinsically motivated= Goals are focused on an outcome and don’t satisfy your basic psychological needs. Goals involve external gains, such as money, fame, power, or avoiding consequences.

Which type of motivation do you relate to the most?

Obviously we all want to make money, why else are we in business. But in terms of fulfillment and acknowledging your own success, you will be more likely to value the outer rewards or the inner rewards. 

I always give the example of how you personally react to a compliment about your work. We all enjoy compliments, but if you are intrinsically motivated it may not matter to you what others think so much as what you think about your work. If a compliment is given, it is welcome, but it is your own opinion that assesses if you’re doing your best. In contrast an extrinsically motivated person will enjoy the compliment but also see it as a measure of their success and as form of acknowledgement. They take this compliment as the“reward”.

If you can see that you are extrinsically motivated– your motivation comes from “outside”, then certainly, looking at your competition in business will likely motivate you. You want the external reward, the power or dominance. You may want to avoid coming second to the competition, to avoid looking bad, or to just avoid“losing”. Checking out your competition from time to time and being competitive with them will benefit your business and it’s strategic outcomes.

If you identify as being intrinsically motivated- your motivation comes from “inside”, then looking at your competition in business is likely to be of no help at all and in some cases detrimental. When you are intrinsically motivated, your motivation and reward is all located within you and your actions. You are likely to be much less concerned with competing outwardly with others as a means to achieve external rewards(as these come from within). You value growth and achievement just as much but the measurement is different from the externally motivated person. 

Can you see how your own personal motivation style will affect your choice to look at your competition or not?

There is no right or wrong answer here, it’s a matter of what works for you the best. If you’re extrinsically motivated, try looking at the competition on a regular basis and see what effect that has on your performance. If you’re intrinsically motivated, don’t look at the competition at all. Instead, focus on your own progress.

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