Being unaware of your expectations can cause you much suffering (understatement). It can negatively impact your most important relationships and it will ultimately prevent you from attaining the peace of mind and fulfillment that you truly want.
It wasn’t until I started to become aware of my own expectations that I was able to create more peace of mind and more mature relationships. You know, the more evolved type of relationship, where there’s very little drama – if any- and communication is at the forefront. It took some time though. Some of us start on this awareness path early and others at later stages in life. It doesn’t matter when we do this, it’s just important the we do do this.
Ever been disappointment by someone else? Expectations.
Experience that sinking feeling when your partner/friend/family member does not act as you want them to? Expectations.
Have you been angry that someone has not done something? Expectations.
Do you feel like you come up short and can’t rest? Expectations.
Starting with yourself, are you aware of what you are expecting of yourself? Interestingly, what you expect of yourself can really influence what you expect from others. If you lean towards the perfectionist side of the scale, you may have high and complex expectations of yourself. You have many hoops that you have to jump through and these hoops are self-created, whether consciously or not.
Ask yourself:
What am I expecting of myself?
Why am I expecting that?
Is this a realistic expectation?
After you start applying these questions to yourself, you can move on to asking the same questions about your expectations of others. But start with yourself first. The first task is to reset your expectations of yourself to be realistic. This will make a big difference. Use the questions to work through this.
The second task is to apply compassion. When you don’t meet your expectations, can you be compassionate with yourself? You can hold yourself accountable to your realistic goals and expectations without beating yourself up. Use compassion, imagine you are speaking to a friend who has told you they’ve fallen short. You wouldn’t berate them would you?
As you create more awareness around your own expectations you will find that you can be more detached about the way things happen. Part of it is loosening your grip of on the things that you can’t control. The other part is owning the part you play in creating stress and conflict within yourself and with others.
Ask the questions, be compassionate and see what a difference you can make in your experience of the world on a daily basis.